Thursday, March 05, 2009
I keep failing, but at least I keep trying. I have fast food less than once a week now, no fried food at home, etc. AND I am now off the antidepressant that was causing some of my weight gain, but still not a bit of progress. The thing I hate most - exercise - is the only thing that will help. I'm going to try yet again. If I could see the slightest bit of progress, it would help motivate me. I went to the gym the other day and it felt soooo good - until the next day, when my feet hurt so bad I could hardly walk. And since both my husband and I are still unemployed, I can't afford the $120 running shoes my doctor told me I needed. Of course, if I did have $120, I probably wouldn't spend it on the shoes anyway ^^
The last time I entered my weight, I think about three months ago, I was 285. Now I'm 308. Just by being sedentary. I am ashamed to go out in public looking like this. I don't want my old friends to see how I look now. I don't want to meet new friends because I know they will judge me on how I look whether they mean to or not, and I don't want this disgusting blob to be their first impression. It seems so hopeless, like I will never be able to lose as much weight as I need to to look like a human again. But what other choice do I have? If I give up, I'll just be miserable and friendless.