Loss, Pain, and Honesty
Sunday, March 01, 2009
This last week sucked.
It would be easy to be less than honest with everyone and back date my goal trackers to say that I have done everything I wanted to do. But I would be lieing to you...most importantly to me.
This last week I did not drink all my water, I did not exercise like I should have, not talking to others, I did not reach out to others.
This last week I became a surrogate mother to a couple of goat kids that were born to one of my goats and watched them slowly die one by one.
I did not do the things I needed to for me while taking care of the babies. I did not do it after they died because I hurt. It hurt to watch them start to improve and then fail and to ultimately die. It hurt to hear them cry in pain and to know that there was nothing that could be done but pray that they would go gently to God. It hurt that I did not have the magic wand to fix them.
I still weighed in on a daily basis and it was interesting to watch the scale swing wildly up and down instead of the small daily changes I am used to seeing.
While I did not direct all the emotions into a workout ---- I did not eat my way through them either. I did not find all the sweet stuff to shove into the hole of hurt. When coming home from work on Friday and running late, I did not stop and have the most calories I could possibly have - instead I got a salad and ate it without dressing.
Today, I stepped on the scale and was back to where I have been lately.
Today, I start again -
Today, I deal with the loss, the pain, being honest.
Today, I reach out for a better way.
Today is the start of a new week - and it does NOT have to suck.