Saturday, February 21, 2009
This picture is from my daughter's Jr. High School Graduation. She's 23 now so that was a long time ago. I was about 130 pounds and a size 7. I was proud of the way I looked and took good care of my hair, nails, skin and eyebrows. I look a hot mess now because I'm not proud of the way I look. I went all the way up to 170 pounds and let my hair fall out and went Cro-Magnon man with my eyebrows. I lost 10 pounds on the Master Cleanser diet but could not commit to continue losing weight on that program because they encourage you to become a raw foodist. I will not even try to go there with myself. I love Ice cream and cheese too much. So I joined SparkPeople at 160 lbs. I'm down to 152 pounds in a little over a month and I feel like I have not put myself in a no win situation. I feel that this is going to work for the long run. Counting calories and checking nutritional values can last forever where-as eating only certain low calorie foods and eating things I don't want to eat will only last until I get tired of being controlled by the diet. Which usually last about 3 to 6 weeks.
The last time I wore this dress was June 17, 2006. At the time, Prince had a video out for his song "Fury" and in the background of the video were flames that sort of looked like the artwork on my dress. That night Prince was having a private party at his favorite restaurant "Butter".
I lucked out and got a ticket. I rushed past celebrities like P. Diddy, Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan to get to the front where his instruments were set up. I had a spot right in front of one of the mic stands and to the near right of Jay Z and Beyonce. You could tell the clebs who actually cared about seeing Prince. They left their booths and made their way to the front so they could actually see him. The show was amazing as usual. But there was one point in the show when Prince came to the mic where I was standing and I looked at him (kinda on a downward angle cuz he's about 5' 2") and I got totally self conscious and lowered my eyes. There was no stage because it's a restaurant, so he was right there floor level and stood about 2 feet away from my face. This is my mentor, I should have been looking him in the eye and beaming. However, one... I'm 5' 8" and I was wearing 1" heals and at that point realized why most of the girls in the front were stepping out of their heels. Then I realized there were several lumps and bulges in that dress that I was not proud of and immediately felt that I should not have squeezed my 160 pounds into that dress. I wore the dress because I was hoping he would notice the similarity from his "Fury" video and it would make him smile. Whenever I had the luck of approaching him, at close range, I always tried to do something to make him laugh or smile, but this time I ended up angry with myself for drawing attention that only made me feel sloppy and ugly.
The only thing that made me feel better was that he looked back at me but didn't seem to look at me in any way in particular and probably didn't have a care. I think the only thing he cared about was that I was standing on his mic cord. LOL!
But I thought about this picture when I joined SparkPeople and wanted to use this image to remind myself that I can lose the weight and get back into that dress and feel good and look good again. I have 6 pounds left to reach my SparkPeople goal. I'm 100% sure that I will make it. I'll be back in my Fury dress in no time.