To forgive or not to forgive???
Friday, February 06, 2009
Without forgiveness life is governed by...an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.
- Roberto Assagioli
The positive cycle of forgiveness
OK, be honest. Do you hold grudges? Do you allow old drama to determine your behavior? Is there someone you just can't seem to forgive? Grudges and a non-forgiving attitude do nothing but harm both parties. You might feel like you're "winning" by not letting someone off the hook, but you're only increasing your own worry and stress. Bitterness can lead to hate, which can sour a life. Today, write a letter explaining your point of view to the person you feel resentful towards. Clear the air; forgiving him. Even if you don't send it, it is an excellent way to relieve tension. Forgiving someone does not absolve them of the wrong that you experienced. It can simply free you to live a life that isn't anchored to the hurt and resentment of past events. *****
I vacillate in my forgiveness. I sometimes can be truly forgiving and other times some trigger jogs the hurt and I'm back to square one. My mother being the most prime example of my action/reaction. I had a 'dysfunctional' childhood without going into great detail, i put a lot of blame on my mother. As a mother myself now and not having been "perfect", I can see why she did a lot of the things she did. Not to say that it excuses the violence, but at least I understand the causes. Most of the time now, I am past that, but once in a while when I am feeling especially vulnerable, I will still work up some righteous indignation, if not downright hatred. It passes. I enjoy my mother for who she is and what we have now. We have become friends and allies. If someone would have told me that when I was 20, I'd probably at first uttered a loud "No way!!!', and then maybe rolled all over the floor laughing. But as strange as it seems now, here we are--more alike than I really like to admit, and well.... friends!