Examining my hangups
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
I am having a really hard time controlling my food intake. I wasn't having this problem before and I have been trying to figure out what has changed in my life to bring this on.
- I moved from overseas back to the U.S. where ready-to-eat food is much more available
- I'm nervous. I was depressed before I came back and didn't want to eat. Now I'm nervous and keep eating.
- I was too thin and purposely started eating lots of whatever I felt like in an effort to gain ten pounds. It worked. Now I feel very nervous that I can't/won't stop eating like this.
- I used to obsess about food, weight, etc. I was able to stop doing that and it was a huge relief. Now I'm here on SP and feel myself obsessing again. I like a lot of things about SP but I'm wondering if tracking my food is a bad idea for me.
When I eat to hunger and stop when I'm satisfied, I do ok with food. My lifestyle here in the U.S. is very different. For example, at work I need to eat during a prescribed period. I feel compelled to eat at that time whether I'm hungry or not and I feel pressure to eat more than I normally would so that I fill up and (hopefully) don't need to eat until dinner.
It doesn't really end up working that way though. Before, I ate a little bit whenever I felt hungry. My current job puts me in front of the public, so it's not reasonable for me to actually eat real food when my body says I should. What I end up doing is sneaking little bits of not-so-good food all day: crackers, chips, etc.
I'm also bored as hell at work - my job is not challenging at all and the boredom drives me to snack.
This is all stuff I need to work out and it's hard!