Questioning my intentions
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
I'm training for a half marathon on Feb 22. I'm running another one two weeks later. Training has been going REALLY well. I ran my 10M long run Sunday at a 10:30 pace. For perspective, last May I ran a 10K in 10:30s.
So I'm much faster now than I was last May. I also weigh at least 15 pounds more than I did last May. I'm trying to decide if I care. If I can run this much faster at this weight, and just not obsess about what I'm eating or drinking, do I care?
Yes, I want to be pretty and thin, blah blah. But at this point, I think maybe just losing 5 or 10 pounds, getting back to a comfortable size 12, would be fine with me. Size 8 seems--not impossible, but not fun. If I can run 30 miles a week at this weight and keep getting faster, isn't that enough? I'm healthy, I'm pretty happy, and I'm doing more than a lot of people who are pretty and skinny can do. I regularly beat little skinny girls in races. Do I need to prove I'm better than them by looking like them?
I don't really know what I'm trying to say any more, I'm just struggling with the fact that I feel pretty great and I'm running well but the scale is up in the 190s. If I can't have it all, am I OK with having this?