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EMGIAN

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Questioning my intentions

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I'm training for a half marathon on Feb 22. I'm running another one two weeks later. Training has been going REALLY well. I ran my 10M long run Sunday at a 10:30 pace. For perspective, last May I ran a 10K in 10:30s.

So I'm much faster now than I was last May. I also weigh at least 15 pounds more than I did last May. I'm trying to decide if I care. If I can run this much faster at this weight, and just not obsess about what I'm eating or drinking, do I care?

Yes, I want to be pretty and thin, blah blah. But at this point, I think maybe just losing 5 or 10 pounds, getting back to a comfortable size 12, would be fine with me. Size 8 seems--not impossible, but not fun. If I can run 30 miles a week at this weight and keep getting faster, isn't that enough? I'm healthy, I'm pretty happy, and I'm doing more than a lot of people who are pretty and skinny can do. I regularly beat little skinny girls in races. Do I need to prove I'm better than them by looking like them?

I don't really know what I'm trying to say any more, I'm just struggling with the fact that I feel pretty great and I'm running well but the scale is up in the 190s. If I can't have it all, am I OK with having this?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v MOJAVEMAMA
    I know what you mean. I want to lose another 10 pounds and I know what I need to do to get there, but is it really worth it? Over the past 1 1/2 years I have not lost any additional weight. However, I have lost inches. My point is the scale is not always the best indicator of progress. Your athleticism is probably a better indicator of progress, health, and beauty.
    2687 days ago
  • v SKINNYSOON13
    You know - I kinda feel the same way. I'm soooooo much healthier than I was two years ago, I'm "fit, healthy and happy" and sometimes I just don't want to BOTHER with all this weight loss stuff. But then I'll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and remember why I care. :-(

    I guess what I'm saying is that we just have to be happy at whatever weight we are, and at various times we'll find that intense drive to move a little closer to that next goal. It's not making excuses, I think it's just reality. It's not giving up either.

    I think you'll find size 8 IS fun, but it has to be on your terms.
    2702 days ago
  • v LANC92
    How much does what the scale says matter? It's something that I too have been thinking about a lot lately as I struggle to come to terms with my own self image issues. You already know that being healthy does not equal being skinny so why not go for being healthy and happy instead. You are beautiful, athletic and vivacious. The world could use a lot more Em's as far as I'm concerned.
    2704 days ago
  • v CALYNN2
    A reminder that being pretty and being skinny are not the same thing. Being 190 does not make you ugly and being a size 8 does not make you pretty. Acquiring a number on a scale or clothing tag does not make a person happy in and of its self, Just as acquiring a new home, new car or for that matter a new husband. It is leading a fulfilling life that makes us happy. If you are able to do the things you love, living a healthy active lifestyle, will acquiring a number make you any happier, maybe for a minute but not for a lifetime.
    2704 days ago
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