Sunday, February 01, 2009
A friend and I attended a Curves weight management class on Jan 24th. She has been sticking to the diet and has lost 5 lbs in the first week! I am proud of her. She is frustrated w/ me because I am not doing the diet! We don't have the money right now to budget for special diets, it's just "regular" foods but eating healthy is so much more expensive than not! I'm trying to limit portion sizes instead and it seems to be helping.
My biggest issue with dieting is that I tend to over do it, just like most things in my life. I have a propensity to starve myself and then binge later. Leftover bad habits from my teen years when I swear I had an eating disorder. Dean doesnt believe me but I am confident that I am bulemic. I go as far as to not eat for a day and then eat tons later, I just don't do the whole throwing up thing! I also tend to not eat and then over exercise to make things even worse. So I know if I tell myself I am dieting I'll go back into this negative pattern and I'm trying to avoid doing that. I still tend to do this to an extent but I'm aware of it so I try harder. I am wondering if I need to seek counseling for bulimia before I ever try to "diet" again. I am aware of the problem so that's the first step towards healing right? I just wish Dean would see it too so I didnt have to be alone in this battle with it. I think because it's such an internal thought process he just doesnt see it, plus he's not around Mon-Friday when I have all day to not eat. not to mention the kids keep us so busy with their eating issues who has time to focus on much else!
When I was pregnant with each boy I had gest. diabetes and had to be on insulin and a special diabetic diet. I was great about the diet, too good in fact that my sugar would be out of whack and I'd have issues and weight loss. The docs were always concerned because I always kept losing weight the farther into the pregnancy I got, why Dean didn't see my eating issues then I'll never know! The diet I had to do then is very similar to the Curves one and I know I can do it and I know I will lose weight but I also know I have the potential to make the wrong choices, like the choices to not eat and then to over eat.
I'm sharing this here as a form of accountability and also in hopes Dean will begin to help me with this since he reads this! :-)