I've been so incredibly motivated and have been doing really, really well. I can see and feel differences in my body. Maybe not noticeable to others, but I can tell and that's all that matters. It's been a month (as of yesterday) and I'm still going to the gym 4-5 days a week. I feel good when I go and sluggish when I don't.
But yesterday I had the opportunity to give up and just say "the hell with it!" Here's some background... Early in 2007, we decided to build a new home. We've been trying to sell our old house for 20 months now...no offers yet. Not even a nibble. So in November 2008, we decided to rent it out, in hopes that the tenants could help us pay our mortgage and maybe get out from some of this doom and gloom. It was working until the husband got transferred to a different city and they had to break the lease prematurely.
They moved out the majority of their things on Tuesday of this week. Came back to get more on Wednesday and Thursday. On Friday when they got to the house, they found that a hose/pipe to the clawfoot tub in the upstairs bathroom had broken and there was LITERALLY water everywhere. When I asked him how much, he said the plaster was wet, the floors were wet, and there was 6" of water in the basement. Oh....my....God...
I RACED home (from an hour away) and stopped on the way to use the restroom since I knew the water was already turned off in the house and I wouldn't be able to go there. While I was at the convenience store, I picked up my standard bag of Pretzel Cheese Combos and a bottle of low-fat chocolate milk. I ate a handful or two and realized that stuffing my face wasn't going to help the stress...it would just make it worse...so I put them away and continued driving home.
When I got there, I found that it's LITERALLY raining INSIDE my old house. The water had leaked so bad that the entire 2nd floor was wet (with the exception of 1 room) and had leaked downstairs...and then into the basement. The water was just dripping from the ceiling onto the 1st floor and I'm guessing about 80% of the house is waterlogged. Our gorgeous Craftsman style home is probably going to need to be gutted. =( There's ceiling plaster all over the floors and EVERYTHING is wet - especially the kitchen (right under the bathroom). The ceiling plaster that hasn't caved in is bubbling. And the original hardwood floors are so wet that the varnish has started to turn a whitish color. I was not AT ALL prepared to see what I saw despite being told that it was bad. But, now after seeing it with my own two eyes, I don't think anything could have prepared me for the damage inside that house. It's horrible.
So after dealing with that for an hour and a half, and then another 2 hours reading our insurance policy, making calls to our insurance company and then the water restoration company, I grabbed the bag of Combos again. I had another few handfuls (I hadn't eaten dinner) and was tempted to just order a pizza or something to stuff the emotions... but I didn't. I grabbed a bowl of Special K cereal instead because it was easy, quick and not filled with endless calories and fat grams.
I've gotten only 3 hours of sleep tonight and am writing this at 6am after having been up since 3:30am. I had planned on going to the gym this morning before meeting the crews but there's no way I have the energy for that. I feel like a zombie. I will go tomorrow...or maybe later today if I'm able to get a nap in. But, I am going to focus on eating properly today to keep my strength up. I will NOT give in to the temptation of comfort foods, despite needing a little comfort right now. I won't un-do all of the work I've put in over the last month because I feel as though I've lost at least 10 lbs. I have more energy and I'm feeling positive about my efforts. Now if I can just make it through this crisis without reverting to old habits and giving up completely, I know I will be fine. Let's just pray it's all covered by insurance because if it's not, I can't guarantee how I'll be thinking about it all then!
I'd love to hear from others regarding how you've been able to get through a major crisis and not gotten off-track!
(I have to try and keep a sense of humor about this all so I picked every water-related emoticon I can. It seemed fitting, given the situation.)