Thursday, January 29, 2009
The whole line is " While she wishes she was a dancer and that she'd never heard of cancer she wishes God would give her some answers and make her feel beautiful." Amazing how one line of a song can relate so much to one persons life. I heard this song and that line just sticks in my head. I'm stuck now. Frustrated with how things are going, frustrated with how things are not going. I would like answers. Yet, I don't get them. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough. Maybe I'm not supposed to have them right now. Maybe this is some cruel (in my mind) way that he's trying to prove to me that I can still stand up under all this. Maybe I've had it too easy in the past. For years I kept telling myself that God only gives us what we can handle. Maybe it was me who though I couldn't handle a lot and God thought I could handle more and he needed to prove to me that I could. I just wish there could have been a better way to prove that. He's freaking God he could have come up with a better way to prove that. Yea, maybe he did it this way because I am hard headed and he might not have gotten through to me any other way, but this sucks. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with him. I am so mad at him I don't want to speak to him, but yet I am so stressed I need him to help hold me up. That poem, footprints in the sand.. that's what he's supposed to do.. hold you up. So between yelling at him and pleading with him to hold me up; my brain is going crazy. I just need a break. A long break..