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    DCASH10367   17,019
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My head is not in the game - NEED SUPPORT!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I just can't get my head back into the losing weight thing. I was down to wearing a size 10 and now my 14's are getting a little snug. I don't want to be "THAT PERSON" that lost 100 pounds and now weigh more then they did when the started. I haven't weighed the last couple days but know it's not good. I'm going to start back on track ONCE AGAIN today. My 20 year class reunion is coming up and I want to look at least close to like I did in High School. I didn't go to my 10 year reunion because I had absolutely NOTHING going for me at the time. I was FAT, still working on my AA degree, divorced with an 8 year old daughter. Now, I weigh 100 pounds less. Have completed my Bachelors degree in Accounting, have a great job at a large teaching hospital, remarried and my daughter will be 18 in 6 days! Now, if I can just get off the remaining 50 pounds (30 I have gained back in the last couple months) my reunion will be PERFECT!

Thanks everyone for reading this! Please keep me in your thoughts. I'm going to need them during the next few days because I have to get these bad foods out of my system and I am going to feel like I am starving to death! emoticon

If anyone needs a spark buddy please email me. I'm going to need some constant support.

Deanna
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABY77A 6/16/2012 5:42PM

    How are you doing? I hope things are better for you.

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MSPEPPYLEPEW 8/27/2009 12:55PM

    Thank you for sharing your story. It inspired me to keep on keeping on.

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STELLAKALIOROS 5/30/2009 9:02AM

  you done it once you can do it again I am starting out again from scratc h and have a long way to go you are my inspiration you can do it i belive in you
emoticon

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TINALASKEY 5/4/2009 6:51AM

  Hey Deanna.. I feel for you.. And I know what you are going through.. I have lost and gained many times over the years.. Except that I have never lost 100 pounds (not all at once at least).. But I know how great you feel when you lose, physically and mentally.. and then just a one pound gain can throw you out of whack.
You want to kick yourself. Which is what we should do.. Kick ourselves right out the door and go for a walk. But instead we punish ourselves by shovelling food into our mouths. Thus the Vicious Circle starts.
It's hard.. Sometimes I think it's okay to slack off for a bit. But eventually we need to get back on track. I'm in the same boat as you.. I was going to Weight Watchers.. but I found that there really wasnt' that much support there. I get more support from Sparks. I was also having anxiety attacks about 2 days before weigh in, and I would calm my anxiety by eating. Makes sense right?? LOL..
I slacked off on tracking and planning my food intake, AND stopped getting on my treadmill about New years this year.. Those winter blues, you know. Luckily I've only put about 5 pounds back on.. But I felt the difference. For awhile I WAS zipping up the stairs at work. Stopped exercising and I was like climbing the stairs - wondering if I was even gonna make it to the top.
Last week, I started tracking and planning my meals again.. (sometimes I think it's a pain, cause I have to get up earlier to prepare my nutricious lunch and breakfast to take to work) and it has paid off. I feel mentally more alert. (In truth, I haven't even got on the scales.. I just feel better) With spring arriving, the sunshine and warmer weather has motivated me to get OUTSIDE and walk. What a difference. The old treadmill is sometimes boring.. EVEN though I did buy myself a little DVD player to put a movie in to watch in 30 minute increments. But I find I am still watching the time, just counting down the seconds till I'm done. But outside.. well, I wish my walk didn't have to end!. Proper footware is a must of course.
I wish you lived right here, Deanna.. We could team up and walk together.
Don't give up girl.. You can do it.
Tina
PS.. As far as your high school reunion goes.. Hold your head up high . You still have a great weight loss to be proud of. Bring that new husband of yours and show off photos of your daughter and I bet your old classmates will be proud of you, too.

Comment edited on: 5/4/2009 6:58:45 AM

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BRENLEE7 5/3/2009 5:09PM

  DEANNA,
JUST REMEMBER HOW IMPORTANT GETTING HEALTHY AND FEELING BETTER MEANS TO YOU. WORK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. I LOOKED AT YOUR HISTORY OF WEIGHT LOSS AND EVERY TIME YOU STOP WEIGHING YOURSELF FOR A MONTH OR SO YOU GAIN 8-10 LBS. THE SCALE IS TRULY YOUR FRIEND. IT IS WHAT IT IS. OLD HABITS DIE HARD. NO ONE IS PERFECT AND IT SO NOT A RACE TO SEE HOW FAST YOU CAN LOSE YOUR WEIGHT. NEVER FOOL YOURSELF INTO THINKING IT IS NOT POSSIBLE. LOOK HOW STRONG YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU HAVE ACHIEVED. YOU KNEW IT WASN'T GOING TO BE EASY. REMEMBER YOU CRAVE WHAT YOU EAT. YOU NEED TO BAN FOODS THAT YOU CAN NOT HANDLE. FOR EXAMPLE MINE WOULD BE ICE CREAM AND BREAD. THEY ARE CULPRITS AND TRIGGERS AND YOU WILL TREAT THEM THE SAME WAY BECAUSE OF CARB ADDICTION. YOUR BODY CAN'T HANDLE SOME FOODS. IT COULD BE PASTA? WE KNOW OUR BODIES AND WE KNOW WHAT WE DO RIGHT AND WHAT WE DO WRONG. ASK YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO HELP YOU ON SUCH CRITICAL TIMES. MONITOR YOU AND MAYBE EVEN GET YOU BACK TO EXERCISE. YOU NEED TO FINISH WHAT YOU HAVE STARTED AND IF YOU ARE TIRED THEN THE GAME WOULD BE TO MAINTAIN THE CURRENT WEIGHT YOU ARE IN AND HOLD FOR A WHILE. IT TAKES TIME. WORK AS HARD AS YOU NEED TO DO AND MAKE SURE NOT TO STARVE YOURSELF BECAUSE EVENTUALLY YOU WILL BINGE AND EAT EXCESSIVE CALORIES BECAUSE YOU ALERT YOUR BODY THAT YOUR ARE DEPRIVED. DO NOT GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO CHEAT ONE MORE TIME. SUCK IT UP AND MOVE FORWARD. YOU HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED SO MUCH. YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF. WHEN WE HAVE AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD IT IS TIME TO REGROUP. IT SEEMS LIKE WHENEVER A HOLIDAY OR CELEBRATION YOU GO OFF THE WAGON AND DON'T WEIGH YOURSELF FOR A MONTH OR SO. CONTINUE TO WEIGH YOURSELF AND TAKE OWNERSHIP OF GAIN AND MOVE ON. YOU ARE GREAT AT LOSING WEIGHT SO NOW CONCENTRATE ON IMPROVEMENT. PAY CONSTANT AND CLOSE ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU EAT ON HOLIDAYS AND CELEBRATIONS. ALLOW YOURSELF SOME CHEATS, BUT PORTION CONTROL AND COUNT EVERYTHING.
YOU LOOK GREAT!
sINCERELY
BRENDA


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GAMMATUNA 2/13/2009 6:33AM

    Don't give up Deanna, I was so inspired reading about your fantastic weight loss. I have been very inspired reading your blog page and most of all your GOALS, they are just as valid for me as they are for you. I have found that going over my own old goals is just the push I need when the going gets tough.

So, you have gained a few pounds back, well it was the holidays and winter, but now with spring around the corner and summer to come you can get back out there walking off the pounds. We all have the demons that make us binge and laze about, but we also have the power to stop binging and get on out there, easy to say, and hey what do I know, but you know what you need to do. Thanks for sharing your problems with us all, we are all in this together and all rooting for each other.

Hugs emoticon

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JUDYGREG 1/30/2009 2:51PM

    Motivation comes and goes... at least that is what my doctor said.
I gained back some from my low last May. It took breaking thru the 200 barrier and staying there for a month to get motivated again, to do all the things I KNOW need to get done to blast off this fat!

Catch it before it gets out of hand. You won't gain back the 100 lbs, but 20, well maybe, 40, now that is nasty! I noticed the two month gap in your weigh ins. Weekly accountability will keep you honest! Get back to weighing in weekly so you can catch those gains before the really get out of hand.

The only thing harder than losing weight is having to lose it TWICE!

Comment edited on: 1/30/2009 2:54:06 PM

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BSHEP85 1/29/2009 12:55PM

    Hey Deanna! I just read your blog, and can I ever relate. I gained back about 25 pounds and it's been hard to get back into my losing ways. Start slow, drinking your water, getting in some exercise. You know what to do, you know what to eat.
Get out some old photos, both of when you were heavy and after you lost 100 pounds. But, most importantly, stay positive! You can do it. Keep your goal in mind.
And I'm always here.

Bonnie

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CYNDIDAVISUSA 1/21/2009 1:39PM

    You can do this. I'm so glad you are still here...so many of my SP friends have fallen off the face of the earth, but you're still here and still trying. That's what it takes.

I only lost 40 and I haven't lost more yet, but I haven't gained it back, either. You have to focus on the positives...the victories, no matter how small. Keep journaling your food, drinking your water and try to at least go for a walk a few times a week til you find that drive again.

You can do this...you did it before...you are stronger now than that other girl was.

emoticon

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MARIANYOUNT 1/21/2009 12:54PM

    Don't get discouraged, we all have our ups and downs. Look at it this way, the holidays are over, so no more tempation. Remember to eat plenty of small meals throughout the day with some moderate exercise, cardo if you can! Remember drink, drink, drink water as much as you can. This will help with any water gain that everyone has from time to time. Don't worry about stepping on the scales as much as concentrating on eating properly. You are already doing great and sounds as if you have already changed your look from when you were in high school. Good luck

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COONHOUND1 1/20/2009 9:11PM

    Hang in there! I have just started...this is my third week. You can't give up now, you've lost too much. I have 100lbs to lose and I'm just starting....keep going. Think about all you have done, how hard you have worked and that reunion!! You can do it!!!

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RANGERAMPS 1/20/2009 3:40PM

    God willing you will not gain 100 lbs back and more nor be like me lose 100 lbs and gain 1/2 50 lbs back. In some ways I'm glad and content I didn't gain it all back and then sometime I'm disappointed. I chalk up my weight gain to the fact that I lost 3 grandparents and mother within 5 years and my father is now not in particularly good health. It seems as if I lost 100 lbs in 18 months with relatively little stress and gained 50 lbs. under quite a bit of stress. Right no I am at the point where I have to try to figure out and learn how to lose weight under stressful times as well as calm ones.


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BELG64 1/20/2009 8:14AM

    Hi Deanna, Come on PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!! You know you can do this...how did you start on your first day all those months ago. Get rid off anything unhealthy in your house, make time to exercise, even if it is only 10 minutes a day, drink your water...that is for starters. Hang a picture of you at your thinnest somewhere very visible and remember that 's where you want to be for your HS reunion!

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