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why did I fall for his lies, I'm a fool again

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Why did I fall for my husbands lies again, I'm such a fool. we agreed I thought that we needed to rebuild trust, so I had him to take that woman off his myspace, he did. and I told him what I needed from him, and that was to show me all the e mails that she rights you from now on. he acted funny about it. he said no, I just will not read thenm and just delete them. I have ask him every day this week and he lied and said no, no e mails from her. Finally tonight I confronted him and he told me yes there was,but he read them and deleted them. THATS MEANS HE IS HIDING SOMETHING. he really thinks I'm stupid, well, I guess I am because I thought he would really show them to me he knew how important it was to me, I demanded to read them and he said I deleted them. I ask what did it say. he lied and said hi how are you. bull Sh--, I need GOD to help me because I can't deal with him. this is so hard on me. I need to move out SOON. I thought the reason I have not got that apartment was because it was meant for us to stay together. I shared that with Anthony yesterday and he kinda laughed, he said hats not what that means, GOD don't work that way. he does not care about our daily life. but I believe MY GOD does care about us. I'm worried so much because my husband has been following a preacher or what ever that's called the right division. He thinks GOD gave his son to die for our sins and rose again on the third day. that part IS SO TRUE but the other things he says bothers me, like GOD does not care about us, as long as we accept jesus died for our sins and rose again we all will be saved. so that he can cheat, lie and sneak around and all that is ok, I don't think so. I think we have to live the lfe, pray, ask forgiveness, praise GOD. and have a relationship with him. not just book knowledge and do as you want. it is like he chose this so he can do whatever he wants. I don't believe that. I believe people should know we are Christians by the way we talk, act and we all sin but we must ask heart is broken again. emoticon
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  • 1AVERY
    Don't get down on yourself for believing his lies you are a good person so you think everyone is. He sounds very selfish so you are better off without him. The sooner you get out the better you will feel. Enjoy the baptism tonight and think of your daughter and grandson and feel free to be happy with your choices. Teri1 emoticon
    3339 days ago
    I will think about you in my prayers.
    3340 days ago
    Living well is the best revenge - take care of you and forget about him. When he sees you're not getting all worked up about what he does, he'll slow down on the crap. Take care of you!!!

    3348 days ago
    Just sending ((HUGS))) and prayers.
    3348 days ago
    Wow! It looks like you have enough advice so I won't write any but I will say that I agree with Terriejo53.

    I'm so sorry that your husband is putting you through this.

    3348 days ago
    I'm sorry to hear your husband isn't sticking to the agreement you made regarding his "special friend" and that he is continuing to communicate with her, but I must tell you I am not surprised. Disappointed for you, but not surprised with his behavior. Personally, I don't believe for one minute that he is just reading and deleting her e-mails. If he had told you he is just deleting them I MIGHT believe that ... I delete a lot of e-mails without opening them based on the address line (mostly things I receive from companies that do polls and stuff like that). But if he is READING her e-mails before he deletes them that means he is still INTERESTED in what she might have to say.

    Your husband sounds like he is using religion to justify his lifestyle, not living the lifestyle of a true believer. I agree with the poster who told you to get counseling. Speak to your clergy; if you don't want to bare your soul to him at least ask him to refer you to someone you can speak to. Don't go with the idea you are going to fix your marriage ... go with the idea you are going to deal with the things in your life that are bringing your self esteem down to the point you are letting your husband abuse you. Just because he isn't hitting you doesn't mean he's not abusing you. There are lots of kinds of abuse and he has abused you mentally and emotionally to the point that he had completely destroyed you ability to stand up for yourself and respect yourself enough to walk away from him.

    Once you get your self esteem issues resolved you may or may not want to try to work on your marriage. In either case you have to work on YOU first, then your marriage, maybe.
    3348 days ago
    Hi Becky - we haven't met yet, but I read a few of your blogs. Oh, sister, I sympathize greatly. My heart was torn out and mended and ripped out again and again. I finally surrendered to Jesus and got some Christian counseling. I had no self esteem left. I had given up two precious little girls for adoption for a real Jerk! I'm so glad that she made me realize a few things about myself. Between my ex-husband (the cheater) and the boyfriend (cheater and lier) they were almost as great of a manipulator as satan himself - the master of all lies. Anyway - he's a wonderful little book for you to help your self esteem and see things in a different light for your own protection. Written by a Christian counselor, Paul Meier, it is called "Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You". You are clearly being mistreated and abused according to God's word. (Read Ephesians 5:25-33). We were also created to love, but God doesn't want His creation to be a doormat either. He gave us brains and if we ask Him for wisdom He will deliver us! When I started out on my journey to find the truth, Psalm 37 was very comforting to me. You are NOT a fool, you are just a loving caring human being, BUT it's time to get smart and protect yourself and your heart. I will be praying for your wisdom in this area! Love in Christ, Laura
    3348 days ago
    Becky, my friend. My husband used to cheat. For years.He has now stopped. Why??

    I threw him OUT. I let him get a taste of what there was out there I remained in his life the whole time, being his "friend", but I also dated others.

    Bottom line....when push came to shove, he saw that every time he was down...they scattered, but I remained his "friend".

    It took 3 years but he came RUNNING back to me. I won't tell you it was easy because my heart was breaking while we were separated, but I will tell you it was worth it. My husband needed a reality slap, and it may be what yours needs as well.

    He is the model husband now, appreciates me and our marriage is much stronger. We have been back together four years now, and we are at peace with each other. He no longer feels "trapped".

    Either way, be brave, Becky. You still have a great deal in your life, with or without him.
    3348 days ago
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