Thursday, January 15, 2009
So I'm going to take just a moment here to wallow in a bit of thoroughly unattractive self-pity here. New Years resolutions, such as they were, haven't been quite as successful as I had originally anticipated. Part of my less than stellar application of discipline probably stems from the fact that I avoided making any outright resolutions at all. The first few days of January found me avoiding the strict observance of hard-and-fast goals, since this behavior has often felt, well, limiting. Who wants to deliver when all you feel is pressure to commit to self-inflicted obligations that make you feel guilty every time you eat a sandwich with an extra slice of cheese or hit the snooze button one too many times?
So, I thought that I could cook up some vaguely internalized goals (something about getting up sometime earlier than usual, putting my papers somewhere, and losing some kind of weight), thinking that the sense of freedom I would feel over not writing these objectives in stone could be channeled into some sort of long-standing determination to get said vaguely internalized goals accomplished.
In retrospect, this now seems simpleminded.
Even worse, I can't even console myself over my lackluster performance by reminding myself that, hey, I've just gotten over a cold that left me sweating and ready to pray to the porcelain god after my last workout.
So I am now left with a vague feeling of dissatisfaction to go with those vague goals I made two weeks ago. Ask, and you shall receive.
That being said, I will now opt for my other, previously untried approach to goal fulfillment: micromanaging. We'll see if breaking my life up into tiny, neurotically sized steps will get me moving after an uninspired beginning of the month. Some of these steps will, I'm sure, seem about as obvious as the instructions sung in "D**k In A Box". But hell, you have to start somewhere.
Wish me luck.