i feel crazy
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Every time I think about trying to eat better, it seems like I do worse. This knee-jerk reaction of feeling deprived and not able to do it kicks in. I....simply don't know.
My ankles are swollen today...probably haven't had enough water, but I'm gaining...and the last time my ankles were swollen it was directly related to my weight. I'm ....sad that I feel this way. The last time I got up here was in AZ, and I was not happy. So, I'm here now and it's happening again. But I can't just blow up every time I'm not happy with my current situation.
I don't even feel like asking for help. On a brain level I know what I need to do. I'm smart enough. And I also know that I'm the only person who can do it for myself. I feel like I'm also feeding off of people around me...and that situation won't change for a while.
I *sigh* uhhh....I'm gonna get all my water in tomorrow. That's what I'm gonna do. And....every time I feel stressed I'm going to....listen to and sing along to some music.