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    CHICKENSENSE  
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failure as success

Friday, January 09, 2009

Yea I know you are thinking what the heck? lol but here is my explanation. today I failed. I ate way more than I was supposed to. I did not make good choices today with what I ate. but I refuse to see it as a failure. I see it as a success. I look back on what I was eating five years ago and how I was so unaware of what I was eating and well what I ate today was a 1000 times better that what I was eating five years ago so I consider that a success. The second thing is that today I was totally aware that I made some not so good choices. five years ago I would have never been able to see that let alone admit it to myself or anyone else. so I see that as two successes.

Last week I applied for a job at a girls group home. it was for the weekend overnight shift. it was the perfect match for me. it fit my schedule for me to continue to do full time school and also continue my live in position. it was with benefits and i have been trying to find a job with benefits for many years. it was just all around the perfect job.
I went to the interview and thought I had done well. two days later they called and asked if i could come in for two hours to observe. so I did. I thought that they would not have asked me to come in to observe if they were not interested. I was very excited. well then the weird thing is that i found out that my daughter lived in that same group home. (that is a long story in itself.) I received a call today letting me know that they went with someone with more experience working in a group home.
well as you can imagine it set me off on a day of depression. I was so bummed because I really had felt as though it was the perfect job for me but also because I am starting to feel a bit desperate to find a job that will allow me to continue my education as well as the job I have now. so I did what i always do. I ATE. AND I ATE SOME MORE. but you know even though I fell back into the same pattern, there was some differences. Yes I ate some things that were not good for my goals but I also ate some things that were. I still tried to recover the day and in the end ate healthy. so I think that was a HUGE success.
today I get a second chance to begin again and succeed.
Thank you God that you continue to go before me and continue to give me the strength to grow and change to have a healthier life.
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