Sunday, January 04, 2009
I'm going to start by saying....I wasn't always FAT. I remember being 16, full of life and energy and how good it felt being slim. I have the pictures to remind me everyday posted on my fridge. I was very active way back then. I would go to the dance every friday night and dance the night away. I enjoyed skiing and walking to the local store where most kids hung out everyday. It was a 30 min walk and I would sometimes go there 4 to 5 times a day walking back and forth on the weekends until mom said it was time to come in. I took care of myself then. What happened to that teenage girl..... well life happened that's what. I started dating my husband at 17 and from then on I started putting on the weight. I would walk less and didn't go to the dance as much. We were always driving somewhere and eating out more often. Of course I didn't realise at the time that I was gaining, although I remember one time getting into a pair of jeans and they just wouldn't fit anymore so I went out and bought a new pair 1 full size bigger. Then they wouldn't fit and well you know the rest.
I was attending university when I realised that I went from 160lbs to a whopping 254. I never stepped on a scale during the time I was gaining and it never crossed my mind that I had gained that much weight until I got pregnant and went to the doctor. I was horrified. As the pregnancy progressed I gained even more 70lbs to be exact. I tried very hard to lose the weight after I had given birth to my daughter and I did lose much of the weight but then I got pregnant again 2 years later and gained another 80lbs. I was at 325 the night I went into labor I remember because I weighed myself.
It's been a struggle since the birth of my youngest daughter who is now 13. In the last 19 years from the time I met my husband to the birth of my baby girl I gained 184lbs. That's 9 lbs a year!!!! Doesn't seem like a lot but it is. It has impacted my life in the worst possible way . I don't attend family functions for fear of being looked at or laughed at. I don't like to get my picture taken because I'm afraid to face the reality of what I look like on the outside. I see myself in the mirror everyday but somehow I don't look as fat as in the pictures. My mind is playing tricks on me it's not showing me the truth.
Well no more lying or hiding....I'm done being the fat girl. I know that I won't look the way I did when I was a teenager my body has changed to much for that but I can get back to a healthy weight and live a healthy life and that's where my focus is for 2009. I just to want to be free and live the best life I can live. We only get one chance out of this life and I'll very dissapointed if I didn't give it my best shot.
I'm finally ready.....