ok

i should be doing some introspective 08 into 09 entry here, but it's gonna wait-- i'm not starting 09 til sunday.........

but, i don't mind getting new jeans, sheesh, you just buy a size smaller, same with undies, and i can wear my baggy shirts, baggy coats- not a problem

but, needed new bras

i started this crammed into a 44DD, and sheesh, at that size, i just needed them in and covered-- straps that didn't kill me

spose we should talk about hooters here too- lord knows, somehow i thought those 44DD's were sexy......sheesh, with 307 lbs behind them, there's nothing sexy!! i've always remembered a guy- who i adored- once saying when i was young, maybe 15?- saying as long as a girl's tits were bigger than her belly, she wasn't fat.......wow, and that's been in my head all these years!!

so, a gf of mine, last year, had to have a double mastectomy-- really made me think about how i helped add to society's issues with chicks and their tits, why do i buy into the belief that tits are important? was i flashing them, trying to draw attention to them, wearing low-cut shirts-- you bet 'cha i have.......but how then am i, as a woman, and wanting to support women, how am i helping add to their lower self-esteem about tits if i'm buying into the belief that big tits = sexy, or are a sign of womanhood........and don't these poor women who have breast cancer, who need them removed-- aren't they going thru enough grief without ME adding to it?? so i've been on a serious self reflection about trying not to add to this!! and yes, it started when i was a 44DD!!

so, i know i'll lose my boobs, how could i not? and it didn't really bother me to drop my first bra size, no big deal-- i had to talk to myself a lil, cuz my initial thoughts were still connected with wanting them.......but i got over it

but now-- here we are, wearing bras that didn't fit at all

and can't order any, sheesh, no idea what size/type, etc

so i go to the store-- and i know i should be getting sized, getting good stuff, but when you need an entire new supply, and i know it won't be the last size, so i'm not ready to blow 200.00 for a couple months!! so, i was totally off on the size i measured myself as needing, so lucky i tried some on

but wow-- bras sure are different as you go to lower sizes

i was in a 44DD, those things just tried to hold them in, that was it, nothing cute, nothing sexy, etc

now- i think i'm on a 38C, but wow, these bras push up, push out, they're ridiculous! so i'm in the store, guess i missed the class on how to tell how a bra really fits

i walk out with 5 new bras, figure that'll get me through a couple months

and i'm a GOOD girl!! i throw all the old ones away, got new, throw away the old

OMG..........i want them back!!!

these new ones, i bent over- i popped out........lil hard to re-adjust immediately!! i feel like al i am now are tits-- i feel like they're more noticeable than they ever were at a 44DD!!! so i'm hating them, am i just built wrong, straps never stay up?? all i do is drag them up, again and again??

i'm seriously thinking of finding sports bras to wear always........

how much money am i gonna blow trying to find 1 bra that fits, and in comfortable, and stays where it's sposed to be??

and how scary is it each morning to get up and seriously think how i'm gonna survive each day in these new bras??

how come no one talks about this????