Thursday, January 01, 2009
Today is the first New Year in a long time that I haven't been nursing a hang over. Instead I'm nursing a cold and freaking out about whether or not I can get to work tomorrow. I've drank a ton of fluids and tried to eat moderately healthy, done the neti pot, taken advil and sudephed all day, and gone through a whole box of kleenex. There's nothing that gets me sick faster then new goals.
I still feel really manic, negative, tense and stressed. I've stuck to my most important resolutions. I completed at cleaning task even though I really didn't feel up to it. I cleaned up after myself all day. I almost ate 4 servings of fruit and vegetables, I stayed within my calorie range, no alcohol or tobacco and I tracked everything. I really don't feel like meditating so I'm not going to. I don't feel like working out either and it's late, I was struggling pretty hard to clean and a little out of breath so that will be a mini workout.
My outlook is pretty bad right now, I know I'm depressed, I already tried to seek treatment and it didn't work out, I've never felt good in my whole life unless I was succeeding at something and right now I just feel like I'm under a huge avalanche of procrastination. The resolutions are geared towards digging my way out but it just doesn't feel hopeful right now. I'm so overwhelmed and I have very little faith in myself.
If I can sleep tonight with the cold maybe my outlook wont be so poor tommorow, but I do anticipate on my depression plummeting much worse for about a week after I'm well and don't take the sudaphed anymore.