Friday, December 19, 2008
I've finished the sweater season, adding several thousand miles to the 2001 long bed cargo van that has served me so well since I bought it new at the end of 2000. It has 150,000 miles on it, and I only used it each year for the approximate four months of sweater season.
I'm back in AR at Robert's house, my friend and former partner. I live in the back, have my own entrance and bathroom, sharing only the kitchen with him. The vibes of his lack of balance float in here and affect me, to some extent I suppose because we were partners for 16 years and I continue to care deeply about his well-being. It is clear to me that he exhibits classic bipolar symptoms, as well as the possibility of paranoid schizophrenia. The key for me to be emotionally well and thrive in this environment is to not ENGAGE, to remain DETACHED from him, while helping as I'm able when I'm able and enjoying his company when he is able to socialize appropriately.
This evening we are heading in to Little Rock for a holiday celebration. I hope it all goes well...I can really use some company and celebration! We are going to dine at a great Italian restaurant in the *hippest* part of the city and then take in a female jazz vocalist with her back-up group who have gotten good reviews. The venue is walking distance from the restaurant.
We are spending the night (one room, two beds!) there and then playing on Saturday...brunch, some Whole Foods shopping, an afternoon movie, and then a concert of black gospel music at the Hilton! We'll head home after that, hopefully full of holiday joy and enjoyment!
I have often been *glued* to the computer since getting back, somehow seeking *connection* through this device. Not good. I'm also eating poorly, basically in terms of portion control. I'm off-balance and need to move within, getting back to daily sitting and breathing practices as well as asanas and other movement (aerobic and strength training). I'm definitely feeling stymied and need to make a radical move...and continue in that direction!
May it be so!