Hello my friends. If any are left to watch me.
I am secretly (shhh, don't tell myself this) back and alive again.
What are some things I learned from the last fall? What are some things I'm not willing to compromise? Read on.
Well....I've learned to like me. Just where I am. Its a big one. Its a hard one.
I've learned that I do need to move some more, and I do need to eat some less. Don't tell my brain I've been doing that though, it will get scared.
I've also learned that I have to accept the place I am in.
Without that acceptance, its a constant fight. With me.
Fighting with yourself is no fun. So I just quit fighting. Yes, I gained weight, but I also was released from the fight...therefore I quit the sabatoge of myself, inside the head.
Yes, at first I ate and layed around like there was no tommorow...but that gets old after a while, and you start to feel more self control, and self worth...when the fighting stops.
I've learned it really can be small, subtle, good choices that can really change you.
I've learned that if I get too technical about this, I will flop. I will all of a sudden be running at full speed towards weight loss...leaving everything else behind...and we all know that doesn't win the marathon.
I need to be very sneaky. my brain is very paranoid.
I've learned to truly not use any kind of deprivation. Its really a lot of brain work.
I've learned that spark friends are always with you...even when you're not sparking.
So...what does that all mean? What am I doing different now?
I am not calorie counting for now. And I might not ever want to. I might not ever need to. Its one of those thing that gets too technical for me.
I also won't be calorie burning counting for the same reason.
I know how to do both very well. Really. I don't need to unless I get to a place where I really want to start defining my muscles.
I will not tell myself that I cannot have something because I am on a diet. or because I am making a lifestyle change. Or because "I am eating healthy now."
I don't bs myself anymore either.
I will not be sparkpeopling on a daily basis. Also too technical.
I WILL be moving more...I have a new class I started. Its not at a fitness center, or a gym...its not at my home though either. Its really fun, and that's all I'm saying. For now. Don't worry....its not something bad, I just have to keep my brain in check, and keep tricking it. If I talk too much about it....it gets too excited and wants to go gungho on the idea. So, just know I am having fun and moving a good amount of time.
I am eating better and drinking more. That's also all I'm gonna say about that.
I did get back up to 200 in November. That might have been the straw for me. I gained back half of what I lost. I knew I didn't want to keep gaining.
I am back down to 194 now...so only 9 lbs gained since my most lost this year. Not bad really.
It shows that some things are sticking.
I will only be weighing myself when I feel the need. Not- only once a month, or week. and not- every day.
Whenever I feel the need. Whatever the brain decides.
My goal for this year, is to be at 185...this time next year. 10 pounds.
Yes, I know I could lose more. I also know I could easily gain that "more" back....because it was lost in vain. It was pushed...when I wasn't really ready.
I'm ready to be at 185 next year. Who knows, it might be more loss than that. If so? fine. If not? Fine. Really.
I will be stopping in to see my long lost friends. So expect to hear from me sometime in the next few days. I'll be gone again after that for a while though. I'll drop in once and a while. School time is busy and fun!
Thanks to those that have dropped in and said hello while I was gone. Thanks for not chastising me. I'm sorry I haven't kept up with you...I've kind of had to get selfish with me though. I have thought of you!