Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I could not believe my eyes this morning when I hopped on the scale and saw the number 230. I have to pinch myself figuratively and literally because I can not believe that I have lost a total of 68 pound so far. I know I still have a loong long ways to go, but cripey! I feel so much better, have more energy, am sleeping better, and if I do say so myself, I look good! The jeans that I was raving about back in September are now loose on me, and I had to go down a size when I bought another pair in October. Hopefully when Christmas rolls around I will have dropped another size, I started at a 26/28 and am now an 18/20. Funny thing is, when I started this for real in May, everyone said I would lose it in my chest first but that hasn't happened. My stomach is now flatter than my boobs, but I still have to lean over them to see my feet! I am in a routine now that I go to the gym on Mon/Wed/Fri/Sun and am doing a yoga tape at home on Tues/Thurs. And my inspirationa and incentive......yup, it's that guy, although all of this is unbeknownst to him. Haven't even touched the Halloween candy that is lingering around the house, whereas last year it would have been gone by now.
And speaking of him......I really need to keep up with this blog so I can keep track of things because they are moving along nicely. The day after my last entry was "Alan"s birthday, so I made him a special birthday cake (I bring in all of the birthday cakes for friends at work because my family owns an ice cream store). So off I went to get him so everyone could sing Happy Birthday and then I cut the cake. As I was serving, the people in the room started talking and complaining like they always do about work stuff, so he and I had our eyes rolling at each other again, and he leans in and says that he was glad he sat with me the previous night because it was nice to have an actual real conversation instead of all of the B.S. and he thanked me. Like I wasn't already over the moon about it! Sothe next day my friend and I go to the bar where he was working his last day. We find him and God but he looks good! we hang out by him and have a beer. After a little bit, we decide to walk to her friends house nearby, and lo and behold they are nowhere to be found but a friend of theirs is there and lets us use the bathroom, and then we hang around to see if her friends show, which they don't. So we walk along the streets and it is party central. They call it an Irish day celebration, and it was because everyone was in green and everyone was drinking! The bars were overflowing, so we went back to where "Alan" works. He was guarding a door inside that bar that leads to an outdoor area and we just stood around there. It was fun watching all of the drunks go in and out, until......."Alan" walks away for a minute and comes back with....his girlfriend. He introduced us and I said "Hi, nice to meetcha" and that was about it because I was too far away and it was too loud. My friend was closer so she chatted a bit more, then the girlfriend went out the back door and that was that. Didn't see her again even though I was left there for three hours which I will explain in a bit because I'm sure a description is more important. Let me tell you, I felt old and frumpy next to her. She is young, mid twenties I would say, thin, with a nice perky chest (like mine used to be before kids), although I have more curves. Shoulder length straight hair, and a pretty face, not drop dead gorgeous but attractive. Me, I'm just cute! They didn't seem overly affectionate with each other, she didn't kiss him good-bye or anything, but that could be because he was working. So after the girlfriend goes out the back door to hang with her friends, my friend says she has to go to the bathroom and she is going to go back to her friends house. I didn't want to go because her friends were not home, so I said I would wait for her where I was. When does she come back? Three hours later!!!!! She tried to call me on my cell to tell me that her friends had come home and she was with them but there wasn't good reception, and I didn't want to leave and chance missing her so I stayed. And felt like the worlds biggest loser because I knew no one at all except "Alan" so I stayed by him the entire time, feeling mora nad more pathetic. I couldn't go and dance by myself, I had no one to talk to, and it was just very sad and embarrassing. It was cool to see him do his bouncer thing, especially after he had to close the door and on one side people are banging to be let in, and on the other people were trying to get out. He said to me a couple of times that he wished he could be making it more fun for me and I told him that I felt like an idiot just standing there and he says, "Nah, you're my date". But I am sure he was just being nice and felt sorry for me. I was really embarrassed because no one would approach me to ask me to dance or buy me a drink, but as my 16 year old daughter pointed out to me later, who was going to ask me when I was standing next to a 6"4 bouncer the whole time? That made me feel better. Finally my friend comes back, and she wants to leave, so we did. I was nervous about work on Monday because I still felt like such a loser, but he was so sweet about it! I told him that I had expected it to be a group thing and not just me, and he said again how he wished he could have entertained me. He said it would have been different if we could have gotten "hammered", and I actually had the nerve to say no, if we were going to get drunk together that there would be a lot less people around and alot more interaction!
So cut to this month and the present......the usual talking briefly to each other until I don't know if I am coming or going. I am driving myself bonkers trying to get over my feelings for him, and have even tried ignoring him, appearing to be busy when I pass him in the halls or such. This never works more than a day! I was so proud of myself about a week or so ago because I ignored him for the entire day, and then the next day he stops me as I am walking by his room to show me an article about a super-hero because and I quote, he thought I would appreciate it. So the day after that, I decide to stop trying to ignore him because that worked out so well (insert sarcasm) and be my usual happy, bouncy self. And I guess it worked! When we do chat, and it's not that much because he is in one area and I in another, we always end up talking about movies. We always say how much we want to see this one or the other, so I decided that the time had come for me to ask him if he wanted to go see a movie together. I found an article on a movie opening soon that I knew he was interested in, told him I had it and said that he should stop by my room so I could show him. Well, the entire day he never came by and I was devastated. I knew he wasn't busy on that particular day because I saw him in the hall alot, so I took it very personally. Was totally depressed that night, luckily did not turn to food for comfort so I guess I am getting pretty good at this whole dieting thing, but was sad none the less. Thought about it all the next day and decided to take the bull by the horns. I brought the magazine down to his room, threw it on his desk and said, "Fine! You won't come to me, I'll come to you!". He looked at the article, said again how much he wanted to see the movie, so I ttok a deep breath and said, "So...you want to go?" He said, "Yeah! Definitely!", I said "Okay" and walked out and went back to my room. Until I got there and realized that I didn't ask him if he wanted to go with ME!!!!!!!! Idiot that I am! So I peek out my room, see him him coming down with the magazine in his hand, cursed myself out a bit more for being a wuss, and sat at my desk pretending to be busy. He comes in, gives me my magazine, says again how he is looking forward to the movie when it comes out, so I take an even bigger breath, and even though my heart is going a hundred miles a minute, I ask him who he plans on seeing it with. He says that he does not know, and even though my heart is beating out of my chest by this point and I am glad I am sitting down beacuse my knees were watery, I act all casual and calm, cool, and collected and say, "Do you want to go with me?". And HE says, without even the slightest pause or hesitation, "Yeah! Sure!". I said okay, it's a plan, we'll talk when it opens, and he asked me "Well, I know how busy our schedules are so how's Thursdays for you?" and I quickly ran through my head everything that I have going on on Thursdays, figured I could call in some favors and said that Thursdays are good for me. Can you believe it?????? We are going out!!!! Now, here comes reality rushing in once again....I know that in his mind this is not a date, and he thinks that we are just two friends hanging out and going to a movie, but hey! I got my foot in the door and this is the first time we will hang out just the two of us. So you can imagine how hard my fantasy drive is working right now. I can only hope that I can continue to play it cool and not make a fool of myself. I think it might be next week because after that is Thanksgiving so.........Wish me luck!