Thursday, November 06, 2008
i just need to vent
my granddaughter, 6 yrs old, was sexually assaulted, in june
good girl- she reported right away and he's in jail
she was also the witness to his (molester is her dad's cousin) assaulting his own 6 yr old daughter
court has been a nightmare, hearing after hearing, delays, games by defense, it's awful-- i've always been a supporter of rights for defendants, i tell ya, i'm not seeing a lot of rights for any victims!
i had to sit there, with my daughter (who i sometimes think is handling this much better than i am!!) as we listened to the defense try to get it thrown out because nowhere was it stated by the victims that any of it was "inappropriate"- well sheesh, that's a pretty big word
and then tried to get it thrown out cuz neither girl said in their statements that it was "for sexual gratification"- the judge did say that's for the jury to determine
we thought there was a plea deal- which didn't thrill me, but it'd keep the girls from having to testify- he could face 160 yrs, deal was for 40-- but found out today that he rejected it, we're going to trial
so now the girls have to testify
that really bites
and found out today that my granddaughter's pediatrician wants to put her on prozac-- no way!! i can't believe it-- but, what do i know-- but going to consult with her therapist, and then go for a 2nd opinion from a child psychologist
this whole thing is a nightmare
and it's not about me, it's about my daughter, my granddaughter, certainly this scum's daughter............but
here's my whining
it's been very rough to deal with this without food- i need the comfort, i need the solace, i just want to burrow and hide
so i tried to reach out- found the 1 gf i thought i could trust, could confide in, who would help me
isn't that sad that i could only come up with 1? any other friends i have- i do know wouldn't give me what i need- too self-absorbed, too busy, whatever
so i told this girl- and i really get nothing
i've gotten no "how ya doing"- nothing when she knows there's court, nothing.......i'm still on my own, that makes me so sad, i don't even want to see her anymore, it actually makes me feel worse, cuz here i reached out, and i still am on my own
i'm well aware it's tough for people when i need help- i'm always mommy, i'm always taking care of everyone else, but sheesh, when you do need help, what are you supposed to do??
so i'm sad, angry, frustrated
hopefully at least putting it down here will help- not sure i've quite bought into the whole journaling thing- but i guess i need somewhere to talk about it, to get it out....
been a lil rough
court again next tues, then the next monday
and trial on the 18th and 19th
i'm really scared i can't handle this-- food wise or otherwise, i will- be strong to get my granddaughter and daughter through this, but i'd sure like to break down afterwards
i just don't know if i can wait
thanx for reading/listening........i'm feeling pretty rough
and it's hard to get excited about losing weight, it just seems so trivial, pretty selfish, and in the scheme of everything else in this life, do we really understand what's important?
i think i need to re-evaluate some of that