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    SPARKLINJEWELLS  
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Emotionally Spent


Thursday, November 06, 2008

so

i just need to vent

my granddaughter, 6 yrs old, was sexually assaulted, in june

good girl- she reported right away and he's in jail

she was also the witness to his (molester is her dad's cousin) assaulting his own 6 yr old daughter

court has been a nightmare, hearing after hearing, delays, games by defense, it's awful-- i've always been a supporter of rights for defendants, i tell ya, i'm not seeing a lot of rights for any victims!

i had to sit there, with my daughter (who i sometimes think is handling this much better than i am!!) as we listened to the defense try to get it thrown out because nowhere was it stated by the victims that any of it was "inappropriate"- well sheesh, that's a pretty big word

and then tried to get it thrown out cuz neither girl said in their statements that it was "for sexual gratification"- the judge did say that's for the jury to determine

we thought there was a plea deal- which didn't thrill me, but it'd keep the girls from having to testify- he could face 160 yrs, deal was for 40-- but found out today that he rejected it, we're going to trial

so now the girls have to testify

that really bites

and found out today that my granddaughter's pediatrician wants to put her on prozac-- no way!! i can't believe it-- but, what do i know-- but going to consult with her therapist, and then go for a 2nd opinion from a child psychologist

this whole thing is a nightmare

and it's not about me, it's about my daughter, my granddaughter, certainly this scum's daughter............but

here's my whining

it's been very rough to deal with this without food- i need the comfort, i need the solace, i just want to burrow and hide

so i tried to reach out- found the 1 gf i thought i could trust, could confide in, who would help me

isn't that sad that i could only come up with 1? any other friends i have- i do know wouldn't give me what i need- too self-absorbed, too busy, whatever

so i told this girl- and i really get nothing

i've gotten no "how ya doing"- nothing when she knows there's court, nothing.......i'm still on my own, that makes me so sad, i don't even want to see her anymore, it actually makes me feel worse, cuz here i reached out, and i still am on my own

i'm well aware it's tough for people when i need help- i'm always mommy, i'm always taking care of everyone else, but sheesh, when you do need help, what are you supposed to do??

so i'm sad, angry, frustrated

hopefully at least putting it down here will help- not sure i've quite bought into the whole journaling thing- but i guess i need somewhere to talk about it, to get it out....

been a lil rough

court again next tues, then the next monday

and trial on the 18th and 19th

i'm really scared i can't handle this-- food wise or otherwise, i will- be strong to get my granddaughter and daughter through this, but i'd sure like to break down afterwards

i just don't know if i can wait

thanx for reading/listening........i'm feeling pretty rough

and it's hard to get excited about losing weight, it just seems so trivial, pretty selfish, and in the scheme of everything else in this life, do we really understand what's important?

i think i need to re-evaluate some of that


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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SONJASTWIN 11/12/2008 1:49AM

    Jewell,

So sorry to hear about this. I spent my third year in law school (I don't practice now) working for the County Attorney in the city I live in and my first year out of law school clerking for a judge. Saw things that would make your head spin. I believe in people getting good representation, too, but after seeing some of the stuff I did, I truly came to believe that some just can't be redeemed and should be thrown under the jail. Child molesters are the absolute worst. So sorry your family is going through this and that your friends have let you down. I know how bad it is to feel alone. But you have your family and they are so very lucky to have you. You are a strong person and you will get through this. Do what you need to to take care of yourself. If that involves a little bit of Haagen Dasz, screw it. It's not the end of the world, so don't beat yourself up about it. Just let us know if there's anything we can do to help.

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COWGILLE 11/11/2008 1:20AM

    Dear friend,
I cannot begin to imagine the emotional pain you, your daughter and granddaughter are in. There are no words that adequately describe the nightmare all of you are living and no words to describe how sorry I am that you are having to go through this. My heartfelt thoughts and prayers go out to you, your daughter and granddaughter. If there is ANYTHING that I can do, please do not hesitate to contact me. My personal email is: edwina@redemptionfellowship.org. You can scream, yell, cry, vent, whatever you need to do - I am here for you.

Edwina

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TEAMEDWARD 11/10/2008 11:58AM

    Jewells. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this horrible horrible time. I know all too well what it's like. You see on top of caring for my mom, we found out a year ago, that our daughter (who is 17 now ) was sexually molested in her childhood from about age 4 through age 8 or 9. We had no idea. She has an eating disorder, she cuts herself, and she has trouble finding compassion for anyone, especially her little sister, and my mother. She held this horrible secret inside of her all this time and it has pretty much destroyed her. She has been in weekly counceling for a year now and is on all types of meds. It is reallly difficult. She didn't want to tell me because she said, " it would ruin my whole life if i knew what was wrong with her). For over a year around 5th grade, she worried 24/7 that she might have aids. This she carried all alone for so long. They couldn't get this monster to confess. I believe it is because he would be required to shut down his porn websight that he and his wife make money off of. So now we must go to court without any evidence. My main concern is for her to be healthy again. Although is would be nice if he were held responsible for his actions. So I really do know what things are like for you right now. Be grateful that you found out this early before it had a chance to really change her personality. She will heal and in such a loving family, things will be ok. If you need a friend to talk to, I will be here for you. Much love Barb emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/10/2008 11:56:56 AM

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LIVING_NATURAL 11/9/2008 3:55PM

    Oh, honey! This is horrible. I'm so sorry that all of you have to go through this. People who do this sort of thing are terribly ill and need to be taken out of society so they cannot do it to anyone else.

You and your family face a long road ahead. I am sending healing thoughts to all of you, and to the judge and jury to dispense justice and safety.

Your problems make ours look like a day in the park, so if you do eat to comfort yourself, we will still respect you immensely! And we'll help you get back on track. You are not alone! We are here for you! Take good care of yourself. Love yourself through this.

Lynn

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SASSY_QUEEN 11/9/2008 2:15PM

    OMG....I had no idea.....I know how you really wanna take care of this Jewell$....same way I would...the good ole fashioned way......nuff said...

I am shaking my head in disbelief....I am praying for you and your whole family that you can get through this.....and that her "violator" gets his due...if not here on earth....then where goes after that.....

Children are such blessings....and no one should ever ever take advantage of their innocence. God Bless you honey. And I also pray that you don't go out and do anything that you may regret....cause I am not sure I would be able to hold myself back if I were in your shoes.....take care...Jo

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BETRME100 11/9/2008 1:43PM

    Aww sweetie...sometimes life just sucks. You have so much strength and courage. I'm grateful that you're there for your daughter and granddaughter, but oh how I wish your friend had been there for you. You let that sweet, precious little girl know that she did everything right, that she is just as courageous as her grandmother. I pray that the trial will go quickly and that justice will be served...my hope is they lock him away in a maximum security prison for the rest of his life, then let the other inmates deal with him. I wish I could be there with you to give you a big hug and let you cry on my shoulder as much as you need to. If I can do anything to help, let me know. Take care of yourself.

Kit

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DEBBIEANNE1124 11/9/2008 1:33PM

    Wow! So much going on with you. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. I can understand you not knowing where you are headed food wise. My heart goes out to you. I'm here if you need me. If I were closer I'd listen. Ask you how you are doing. Hug you. rub your back and give you my shoulder to cry on.

this ordeal is going to stick with your grand daughter for the rest of her life. It disgusts me so how the defense is acting. I am praying he gets the death penalty for that.

Hugs!
Debbie

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NO-41_RAZZYS_PL 11/9/2008 1:02PM

    OH-MY-GOD!! I can't STOP crying for your little grand daughter and the little girl of that sick animal!! I'm sooo VERY angry too, Sweetie, I could just... PUNISH 'it' myself!! You poor POOR dearest- I don't know HOW you're doing all that you do and here I am, wrapped up in my pitiful little life, when you're trying to be sooo STRONG for your baby and your baby's baby!! You're ALWAYS 'here' at our EE team, making a TREMENDOUS difference in everyone's lives... don't you DARE think that your goals are selfish and trivial because they ARE a great piece of the puzzle in the larger scheme of things going on in your girl's lives. They NEED you to be healthy, rested, FILLED TO THE BRIM with self confidence, and continually conquering your personal issues (like the WARRIOR you are) to give them STRENGTH.

Comment edited on: 7/4/2010 7:40:47 PM

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DEB2448 11/8/2008 5:39PM

    I wanted to let you know my thoughts and prayers are with you, your daughter and , your granddaughter sounds like you are a wonderful Grandmother.

emoticon

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HAPPYANDLUCKY 11/7/2008 10:03PM

    Hello! I checked out your blog today, and am sad for the situation. Very hard! I can completely relate to being in that amount of stress and just serioulsy wanting to eat everything in sight. It's all in hopes of finding comfort in the food. However, the comfort in the food doesn't stay with you and actually in the end hurts you. It's important that you stay healthy for your daught and granddaughter. Hopefully you'll be able to find strength in other things. I'll pray for you and your family! I'm super glad that your granddaughter has a wonderful grandmother like you. :)

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SWIMGIRL 11/6/2008 8:42PM

    I happened upon your blog & wanted to say you sound like you're an excellent grandma. My thoughts & prayers are with you. I'm sorry your friend has not been supportive of your needs. Most of my friends don't know this, but my friend's father molested me when I was 12 & I didn't tell anyone until I was 16. At my insistence, it was kept within the family. Your whole family is so brave. Please make sure your granddaughter knows how brave she is & that she is not alone.

emoticon Mystyne

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