Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Well, this is my first SP blog entry, and I want to focus on my need to reward myself. I grew up in an environment where I had everything I NEEDED and never knew or heard of financial struggles other families had, but I was never allowed to buy anything frivolous. Frivolous in this case would be nail polish, magazines, or even extra clothing. I wore a uniform to school so didn't need that much clothing and I never worked while in high school, so I never learned what it was like to have my own money. What I did know what that spending money on quality food was always OK, and never anything we should deprive ourselves of.
Once out on my own and actually realizing most of the world, now including myself, has financial constraints, I just decided to never spend any money on myself, EVER. This did allow me to spend as much money as a I wanted on food, or presents for other people. So, that left me with eating as the only enjoyment that I did not need to feel guilty about.
To make matters worse, my husband is also very bad about spending money, so together we avoid doing things that require spending money. He just lost five pounds (he is skinny and needs only to bulk up rather than lose), and when I asked him what he would want to do as a reward, he said nothing until he has reached is ultimate fitness goal.
What I am trying to get at, is that neither of us know how to reward ourselves. We feel selfish when we do, and ultimately just neglect ourselves entirely. When I started this new way of life, I proposed rewarding myself every five pounds lost. Yet, when I went to write down the rewards I would want, I couldn't think of any, not one. My starting weight was 228 (possibly 230, I didn't weigh myself for the first couple days out of fear) and now I am 212...which means that I have already neglected three rewards.
If anyone has any suggestions, I would really appreciate them as I am already thinking of not doing anything until I weigh 200.
A big challenge for me in this new way of life will be learning how to treat myself the way I want other people to treat me.