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    KUCKERLAFLEUR   12,361
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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Well, I have been absent from Spark for quite a while. Things with my business have been very busy and we have been remodeling the house and the kids are busy, blah blah blah. ANYWAY, I have finally decided that I need to get back to working on myself.

I have a history of having bouts with pain. No one can determine why or what, but I was in the ER again last night and they put me back on neuroblockers. They make me feel so stupid. I have a hard time focusing my eyes let alone my brain. But last time I knocked the pills because I got fed up I believe this community helped me. I won't be able to take these for very long so I want to start working on getting myself more aware of what I eat, what I do and how I feel.

This is not going to be fun. Or easy. But I need to do it. So here it goes!
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KUCKERLAFLEUR 11/3/2009 11:14AM

    Wow, it was almost exactly a year ago I wrote my last blog update here. And I didn't end up doing a thing last year. Main excuses: children, business, stress, laziness and the list goes on and on. I have been thinking about thinking about perhaps getting on this web site again and getting my butt in gear (since my belly has been in gear for a while and it shows) but have always found excuses to avoid it. Now I have put weight back on - not sure how much as I refuse to look at the scale - the fact I can't get into most of my pants is a clear enough signal to me. If I can mentally get myself over the constant battle with being tired and tap into my inner attitude that refuses to accept defeat, then I will be able to do this. The difficult part will be finding that inner attitude under the thick layer of blubber it is hibernating in.

So here I am, once again. Back on the wagon - or at least thinking about getting on the wagon. It is sad to me, logically, to be so apathetic about my own health and appearance. A dear friend of mine, only a couple years older than me, is undergoing angioplasty as I type and I cannot help but think that could be me if I continue down this path of apathy and indulgence. So as a first step, here I am. I am going to look for some exercises to start out with, and I plan to clean off the elliptical tonight so I can potentially use it - tomorrow. Perhaps tonight. Not trying to set goals too high and then miss them and be totally devastated.

Another driving factor for me is during a recent trip to a wildly popular theme park I saw a sign stating that all available motorized chairs were already being used, and the park apologized for not being able to provide one for park goers. During the entire trip my mother and I had been run in to, had toes run over and sworn at for not 'getting out of the way'. Now, before I unintentionally irritate someone, I myself have been bound to a wheelchair. While i no longer need one, twice I have had to spend months in one due to spinal injuries. I have had to re-learn how to walk. I understand and appreciate the need for such devices. However, there appears to be a growing population in America that thinks they don't have to bother with walking, or having the common decency to share public space with other humans. Using those carts should be for individuals with mobility issues, not just because you are too lazy to get around the park! And this is coming from a gal who has been the queen of lazy for quite some time! I walked for miles, as did my mother who has a shortened leg due to a botched hip replacement and needs surgery on her feet for a totally different issue. Sure it was tough, but isn't everything worth while in life? And regardless of why you are in the cart, out of necessity or laziness, it is just downright rude to pretend there aren't thousands of people around you and you don't get to run over or into people because you are too lazy to push the stop button!

For now, I have completed an item on my list: posting to Spark. I will accept the positive step and move forward with work. I plan to visit the points page and log some activities and consumption. With the final evening thought being a positive one, that I came and did what I planned. I don't have to move the earth to take a positive step. Perhaps tomorrow will be another step, which leads to a pattern.

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DEFINITELYDEB 10/30/2008 7:42PM

    It can be so much easier to focus on things other than yourself ... but ... the most important thing is to take care of yourself! Then other things will fall into place. Welcome back to Spark! You are on the right track just by being here.

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COLEMANSR 10/30/2008 6:27PM

    Welcome back. We're here for you.

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