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    DIETCOKE21   4,854
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Being Happy

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

SO i havent been on here blogging or even visiting my teams for a very long time. i feel so gulity about all that. I joined a group and was uber excited to be in a challenge and i flaked on them (sorry)
but im back now. and it will be often.

I wish i could blog about my personal life and even show a picture of me. But im so scared of being noticed by someone. Family.

I had it really rough in my childhood, i thought i hid my feelings well, i thought i was never effected by what happened. Until i had my son. Being a parent changes you overnight! Now i have overwhelming fears and have to protect him as much as possible. this wont make sense im sure. Ive been reading some self help books and im becoming more aware of why i did this and why i do that. i guess i really am messed up!.. but i WILL conquer this!

so i started with a big change.. we picked up and moved.. granted the town is about 20mins away but i have so much weight off my shoulders!! I finally feel at some peace. I got away from my mother who was toxic to me and my family. everything is changing with us. im not stressed anymore which is less fighting with hubby and my son is talking more(hes delayed in speech)

I now see how much control my mother really did have over me. I had fear to even go to a different church. i hate to put blame on her but i finally see what my dad always told me. i cant help but be a little bitter over things in my past. the past ruined me, i could of been a happy person instead i had to fake that. its sad that i never heard i love you from her.. i cant say if i love her but i know i care. She did the best she could, but it wasnt enough. She knew and did nothing to protect me.

one day i will forgive, but not today.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROL54904 10/21/2008 2:40PM

    Good move, Sweetie!!

Now repeat after me:
I am an adult.
Things that happened to me in the past are in the PAST!!
I do NOT have to react to my past any longer!
I control what I do, how I respond & no one else has control over my life except ME!

You can be whoever you want to be - what happened to you in the past does NOT have to dictate who you are now! For example: Someone raised by an alcoholic has 2 choices - be an alcoholic too or don't drink at all. And it all depends on how THEY decide to react to their past. Let the past destroy you or let it make you stronger.

YOU CAN USE YOUR YOUR PAST TO MAKE YOU STRONGER!!

I have faith in you - You can do it!!
Muuaah
Carol
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DREAMNSCHEME 10/21/2008 1:12PM

    Moving can be a fresh start... good luck to you! It's never too late to find that happiness and having a child does change a person over night.

emoticon You sound like you are doing all the right things.

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