Thursday, October 16, 2008
I refused to buy a Size 16. I wasn't going to do it. To buy them would be admitting to the fact that I was indeed FAT. So, I would squeeze myself into the size 14 and pray that nothing popped or ripped. Luckily, we avoided any major catastrophes! I would lose 5 pounds and go out with my hubby and man oh man, did I think I looked hot! Then I would drink and eat back the 5 pounds I lost and the next day look at the pictures of the evening and think to myself...WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING WEARING THAT! I never thought twice about what I was putting on, I looked good! HA!
This morning I was getting dressed for work and I changed my pants 3 times! My size 12 are falling off if I don't wear a belt but I think the size 10 make my muffin top want to come out becaue it knows that it won't be around for very much longer! Nothing seems to be working right now, and I just don't feel like going and buying clothes. My mom's closet is working just fine for me. It is an ugly viscous cycle! I was so unaware no it wasn't that I was unaware, I didn't want to admit that my body wasn't where it was supposed to be! It was easier to mask the pain with this fake smile attached to my face! We were watching tv the other day and my husband said, that is how your back used to look. I look up and this woman has rolls on her back! So of course I screamed, YOU ARE JUST NOW TELLING ME! His response (such a man) "But it doesn't look like that anymore!" Really! Thanks for the update! You could have shared that info with me sooner! I think he feels it safe to now point out all the things about me that HAVE changed.
I am going back to work now ok I am not going back to work Facebook is calling! HA!