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Feels like the epic fail weekend

Monday, October 06, 2008

It's amazing how you can agonize and work hard for a month to take off just 2 lbs and then have ONE ridiculous day and gain back 4.5. Arghh!!!! I do not want to see 171 on my scale ever again. I hope I'll come back down some this week by being good, but sheeesh. I'm sick of seeing these same numbers over and over. I am sick of thinking I'm making progress and then messing it up. I'm sick of thinking I have a good strategy and then questioning it when it doesn't work. I'm sick of being frustrated with myself. I'm sick of doing this half way the last few months because, well, I'm just tired of being as good as I apparently need to be to lose the weight.

My problems were - A. too much drinking, again. I had a few on Thursday, a good amount of Friday, and then drank all day Saturday. B. I'm having trouble getting in my fruit and/or veggies at the end of the day if I've not had them by dinner C. Saturday was just an epic fail, we had a light lunch, went to what I thought was going to be a few hour get together which ended up being an ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT party. And I was just ridiculously starving that day and after I ate up the whole bowl of carrots and celery sticks, all there was to eat was potato chips and cake and crackers. Then, they made pizza for dinner. Being starving, I scarfed up way, way too much and couldn't mitigate it with a salad cuz there was none. Then I drank two blendy drinks which were the equivalent of a whole meal. Not to mention the bottle and a half of wine I consumed over the 12 hour event. Believe it or not, I was entirely sober by the end of it, and I had to keep myself from eating MORE when I got home because nothing I ate that day was filling, though it did add up to almost a 3k calorie day.

I guess I can add D. which is 2 less workouts last week. I skipped Thursday in anticipation of a workout Saturday, and then Saturday got all messed up, plus the one I skipped Monday because of resting up after the festival. I haven't had an only 3 workout week in a long time. So, right now I feel like my stomach is the size of a beachball, my pants don't fit right, I'm grumpy, and want to do anything but be at work dealing with just another day of the usual BS. I guess I have 2 happies - 1. I got new shoes (yes, again), and found out I've passed the weight threshold where high heels are now not uncomfortable. So I got cute cute tartan pumps, cute red, blue and black heels, and ugly but awesome brown orange and yellow heels. I also went through my shoe closet and got rid of 15 old pairs and reorganized them so they fit nicely. 2. I am today wearing a shirt I haven't since I was 21, it is the awesomest blue color evar. I also got a big batch of crazy retro stuff from my parents and I'm looking forward to incorporating some of it in my closet. And I'm stoked that it's getting close to long sleeve/sweater time - it means my wardrobe doubles. I can wear both my sweaters AND my short sleeve stuff with something on top!

So I guess the situation is - I'm not getting down on myself with my current appearance or being (except today, I really am having a fat day), I am getting down on myself for lack of progress. Yes, I am rocking the skinny jeans but I want more. I figured the last 20 lbs would be tough but this is ridiculous. I just don't know what to do beyond removing ALL indulgences in my life, which is completely against my theories of what works. Sure I could eat rabbit food and workout 6 days per week for the next 3 months to hit my goal by December, but what would that accomplish besides pain and then gain later when I get fed up?

I am taking a stand on some things today. First of all, unless something is absolutely necessary, I am not allowed to do the bulk of my winter re-wardrobing until I hit 160. I have enough things to wear right now and maybe that will inspire me to get it in high gear before it gets cold. No sweaters, no pants, no new jackets until I hit 160. I've tried being nice with myself, it didn't work, now I'm going to be punitive :P. Second of all, I'm going back to reporting daily on my progress on my blog. Even though I'm sure it bored everyone else to tears, it helped me be accountable daily. I'm also going to read back through my blogs to see if there is anything else I can pick out about when I was doing better.

My goals for the week are:
-6 fruits or veggies per day, no excuses, starting today.
-No deserts this week. Not no deserts ever, but need to practice ignoring the candy corn in my kitchen, the cake in the breakroom, the ice cream and the candy bar in my freezer, and the salad bar goodies. Frozen fruit is better.
-1500 calories per day, a little more on Saturday but not over 2000.
-No drinking until the weekend, and taking it a little easier than I have been.
-All 5 workouts done before Saturday afternoon (3 interval/full body ST, 2 DDR and yoga).
-Tracking all food, no excuses if the weekend is "too hard to keep track"
-If a situation like Saturday arises, assert myself and freaking leave where I am at to get myself good food so I'm not so hungry I eat 2 servings of potato chips, munch on cake, and eat slices and slices of pizza. Lazy does not equal helpless.

So I got my rant out and feel better (mentally...I still feel bloated). Now is the time for me to put my money where my mouth is and have a stellar week. Putting up a weekly report post next.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Give yourself a break and be patient, I'm sure most of it is just water weight due to extra salt in all the crap. You've got a good plan going and you will make it there!

    Hang in there hon!
    3394 days ago
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