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Standstill (date of entry 9/29/08)


Friday, October 03, 2008

So, I've been at a stagnant standstill since my last entry. Don't have a true reading on my weight as of this moment because of bad monthly timing, plus the partaking of Chinese food this past weekend has left me feeling twice as water logged than usual. I'll hop on the scale next Monday for sure. I did get to the gym today, though I have not been consistent with that lately. It is so much harder to get there when school is back in session for my kids. I already get up at 5:30 every morning just to be out the door by 7, and after school is difficult because of extra curricular activities. Then of course dinner, homework, showers, etc. leaves little time left for Mommy gym time. No way am I getting up at 4 a.m. to fit in a workout, since I don't get to bed until around about 11 at night. Dilemma, dilemma. I do try to walk around alot at work (okay, let's face it...it's not that much of a hardship when there is a chance I could run into "Alan") but it is not the same as a complete workout at the gym. I also feel that by running to the gym when we don't have any after school stuff is taking time away from my kids, even though they are very understanding about my doing this for myself. It is just very hard and frustrating to try and do it all. I know that in the end I will look and feel great, it's the getting there that is troublesome. Another problem is my patience level is wearing thin....now that I have lost a significant amount, I want the rest to come off quickly and be done with it already. I am completely aware that this journey will never be over, but feel that I can commit to the lifestyle changes that are necessary, and have already. Dark chocolate instead of a king size Snickers bar, multi-grain bread instead of white, wheat pasta, veggies, turkey instead of bologna, etc. the whole shebang. I am very lucky that my kids have adapted so readily to these changes, and are eating healthier also. Neither of them have a problem with their weight, thank God, but then again neither did I until my 20's. Hopefully, they will be in different circumstances than I was and will not have to turn to food for comfort like I did. Talk about self-deprivation, though.....first I give up sex 4 1/2 years ago, now my comfort foods! Good thing someone finally figured out that dark chocolate in moderation can actually be good for you, otherwise I would totally be screwed!!
Update on the "Alan" front....confusion and more confusion! Part of me loves the mystique of the "does he like me or doesn't he" and part of me just wants to know for sure. And are some things coincidence or planned? Like the fact that he has been parking his car nearer to mine. Like how even though he gets to leave 15 minutes before me, for some reason lately it seems like we leave together more often than not (no plotting or planning on my part either...tee-hee...yeah, right I could rule the world if I ever decided to use my powers for good), like the fact that I spend alot of time standing outside my classroom and catch him looking at me almost as much as I am looking at him. Oh well...only three more days until the birthday dinner, and five until my friend and I go to the bar that he will be working his last day at. Which brings me to another interesting dilemma....to drink or not to drink? That is the question. Obviously sloppy drinking is out...how embarrassing would that be? One or two drinks to loosen myself up and hopefully dazzle without being the tongue twisted blithering idiot I usually am with him? I swear, he really does make me babble which pisses me off because I can talk to anybody intelligently except him. Not enough alcohol to make me confess my undying devotion, but enough to make me move to the music and make him wonder what else I can do with my body? Cuz let me tell you, for a heavier person, I am extremely limber!
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