Oh I Suck.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Alright, so I went off tracking 2 weeks ago for camp. What else could I do? And then last weekend for Mabon (a week late). And to eat the Mabon deserts after Mabon. Again... understandable. Now tonight, I found myself eating for absolutely no reason but amusement. I polished off half a bottle of red wine (that I could have lived without) and ate a whole batch of stuff that I could have lived without too. Now the stuff is gone and I just suck. At least this time, I forced myself to put the damage into the calorie tracker (not sure I got quite enough chocolate, actually).
It is SO WEIRD. It's like, if I manage to not write it down, it doesn't count. If I find a justification to lower portion size, the calories won't be there. And conversely... oh no!... I may not have given myself enough work out time... as though if it isn't sitting there on paper, it doesn't affect my body.
So anyway, I'm over 2000 calories today. Who knows how much more. I doubt it'll make me gain, and I keep consoling myself by telling myself I didn't really want to lose any more. And, oddly enough, that's true, too. My first goal was 125. When I was in the lower teens, I looked kind of anorexic. I like my hips better now than at 143, BUT my waist hip ratio was more feminine at that weight. I'm so confused. I don't even know where I want to maintain.