Monday, September 29, 2008
....gaining weight that is! For the past 2 months I have let things in life get in the way of my dieting and exercise and it's coming to an end. Today!!!! I've gained 9 pounds over the past 2 months when I should have lost 9 pounds, and I've had enough. I'm not going to take it anymore!! So that scale is going to start heading south as of today.
I'm terrible about letting the little things bother me and being the emotional eater that I am, it really plays havoc on my diet. I know to some that may be an excuse, but if you've never had to deal with emotional eating, then it's hard to explain the feelings that come over you and how it's almost impossible to control it at times. I know that if I wasn't taking med's for stress and anxiety, that I would be a lot heavier than I am now. But between the med's and Spark I've kept it under control better. So thank you to my friends here at spark for letting me come to you when I need someone to talk to and it's also nice to know that I'm not the only one who deals with it.
I just feel overwhelmed at the moment. So much is going on in my life at the moment. And only one of them is something to look forward to, and that's being able to live with my husband again next summer. Because we have been living apart for over 2 years now and I've had enough. It would be different if we were in our 20's or 30's with lots of years ahead of us. But I'm 47 and he's going to be 53 this year. And both of his parents passed away before they were 70. In fact his father was only in his 50's. So the health in his family isn't good.
Not to mention I'm tired of living apart. I'm tired of being alone. I truly feel more like a single mom now than when I really was one. So I got fed up with the town we are in and the drama that my daughter is going through at the moment here and I told Bob that he's getting a wife and stepdaughter next summer whether he wants one or not. I told him that I don't care if we live in Memphis, Atlanta or Timbuktu! I know he didn't want to move us to Memphis only to have to move again to Atlanta because of his job. I understand that. We didn't want to keep moving the kids around. But we also didn't know it was going to take 3 years to finally get to Georgia either. So I don't know where we will be living come next summer, but it's going to be together.
So now I need to start getting the house ready to sell. And that's one of the things that's stressing me. It's not like Bob can come home on weekends or anything. He hasn't been out here since last Christmas. So it's up to me to get everything ready. I need to have the carpet replaced, I need to have a new front and back door put on, I need to paint the entire inside of the house. I need to buy screens for the windows that don't have them, I need to paint the cabinets and doors. I need to make sure the yard is looking good and the dogs sure haven't helped on that one!
So I feel overwhelmed. Then there's my son Austin who will turn 19 this week and he's moving to Canada the end of November. And as his mom I worry. I don't know if he realizes just what's involved in picking up and immigrating to another country. And is the end of November really a good time of year to drive to Alberta, Canada?? But his friends birthday is the beginning of December and he wants to be there by then. I prefer he waits until spring, at least. But I prefer next summer to be totally honest. But heaven forbid I say anything to him about it because then I'm being the nagging mother. And since I'm an adult and he's 18, then what do I know!! But it would have been nice to have one more Christmas with him.
And I cry every time I think about him moving. I wouldn't care if he moved all the way across the United States. That wouldn't bother me. What bothers me is moving to a totally different country. I don't even have a passport. So if something was to happen to him, I couldn't even come up there. I don't have a copy of my birth certificate to even apply for one. So I've got to try and get a copy from Missouri, where I was born at, and get one. I don't even know how to go about getting my birth certificate. Where do I even start at? And even though my son is an adult. Though I don't really consider18 to be much of an adult, it's my job as a mom to be concerned about him. Especially since he just graduated high school and has never been out on his own before. I believe he's thinking more with his hormones than his mind at the moment.
Well it's Monday, a new week and almost a new month. So it's time to get a plan and do it. I should be a lot lighter than what I am and it's really bothering me that I can't get it under control at the moment. So Lord, give me the strength and motivation and encouragement that I need to do this. And you can throw in some humor too!