Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Iím Fat. Iím F.A.T. Not Phat, but Fat. Thereís no way around it. I can't hide the fact that I'm Fat.
Iíve been Fat for almost my entire life. Well, at least I thought so. Now looking at pictures of myself as a kid, I indeed was NOT Fat. I was just made to think so by those around me. Iíve been called Fat all my life by those close and not-so-close to me.
Maybe if those around me hadnít kept telling me I was Fat I might have been healthier. Maybe if those around me encouraged me rather than tore me down, I would have loved myself more. Maybe if my parents had made food a four-letter word, I would have had a healthier relationship with it. Life is full of lots of ďwhat-ifs.Ē We can only do what we can with what we have. There is no use dwelling on the evils of our past. It is time to move on.
Fat. Itís not a bad word in and of itself. Websterís defines it as thus: any of various compounds of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen that are glycerides of fatty acids, are the chief constituents of plant and animal fat, are a major class of energy-rich food, and are soluble in organic solvents but not in water. Fat is only a bad word when people use it in a derogatory way. It only has power to make use feel bad about ourselves when we give it that power.
Biologically, we all need Fat. We have to have it to survive. Itís energy. Itís life. The problem is, I just have too much of it. Iím not as healthy as I could be.
Being Fat does NOT make me a bad person. Iím not lazy. Iím not smelly. I donít eat junk food all day. I eat really good food, healthy food. I just ate too much of it.
Being Fat does NOT mean I donít deserve love. Iíve had boyfriend make that the reason they dumped me. That was not really the reason, but it was an easy excuse for them to use. If it wasnít my weight it would have been something else. In the end, Iím now engaged to a wonderful man who loves all of me regardless of size because he sees that there is more of me than just the wrapping. I never would have met him if those other boys hadnít left.
Iím getting healthier, but letís face it. I will never be thin. I may be thinner, but thin isnít going to happen to me, nor do I want it to. Thin would make me unrecognizable in the mirror. Healthy is all I want and need. Whatever size that comes with is perfect for me.
Iím owning the fact that Iím Fat right now. It's one reason why I show how much I weigh on my counter. Iím Fat, but it doesnít define who I am. Itís just a stage of my life where Iím at. Iím not going to feel bad about it. How I look does not mean Iím less of a person. But letís face it. No matter what, someone will judge me on how I look, even if I was thin. Youíre always something bad to some. Too Fat, too thin, too tall, too short, too dark, too light, etc. Those peopleÖwell, those people donít matter ANYMORE.