Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I’m Fat. I’m F.A.T. Not Phat, but Fat. There’s no way around it. I can't hide the fact that I'm Fat.
I’ve been Fat for almost my entire life. Well, at least I thought so. Now looking at pictures of myself as a kid, I indeed was NOT Fat. I was just made to think so by those around me. I’ve been called Fat all my life by those close and not-so-close to me.
Maybe if those around me hadn’t kept telling me I was Fat I might have been healthier. Maybe if those around me encouraged me rather than tore me down, I would have loved myself more. Maybe if my parents had made food a four-letter word, I would have had a healthier relationship with it. Life is full of lots of “what-ifs.” We can only do what we can with what we have. There is no use dwelling on the evils of our past. It is time to move on.
Fat. It’s not a bad word in and of itself. Webster’s defines it as thus: any of various compounds of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen that are glycerides of fatty acids, are the chief constituents of plant and animal fat, are a major class of energy-rich food, and are soluble in organic solvents but not in water. Fat is only a bad word when people use it in a derogatory way. It only has power to make use feel bad about ourselves when we give it that power.
Biologically, we all need Fat. We have to have it to survive. It’s energy. It’s life. The problem is, I just have too much of it. I’m not as healthy as I could be.
Being Fat does NOT make me a bad person. I’m not lazy. I’m not smelly. I don’t eat junk food all day. I eat really good food, healthy food. I just ate too much of it.
Being Fat does NOT mean I don’t deserve love. I’ve had boyfriend make that the reason they dumped me. That was not really the reason, but it was an easy excuse for them to use. If it wasn’t my weight it would have been something else. In the end, I’m now engaged to a wonderful man who loves all of me regardless of size because he sees that there is more of me than just the wrapping. I never would have met him if those other boys hadn’t left.
I’m getting healthier, but let’s face it. I will never be thin. I may be thinner, but thin isn’t going to happen to me, nor do I want it to. Thin would make me unrecognizable in the mirror. Healthy is all I want and need. Whatever size that comes with is perfect for me.
I’m owning the fact that I’m Fat right now. It's one reason why I show how much I weigh on my counter. I’m Fat, but it doesn’t define who I am. It’s just a stage of my life where I’m at. I’m not going to feel bad about it. How I look does not mean I’m less of a person. But let’s face it. No matter what, someone will judge me on how I look, even if I was thin. You’re always something bad to some. Too Fat, too thin, too tall, too short, too dark, too light, etc. Those people…well, those people don’t matter ANYMORE.