Sunday, September 21, 2008
OK so to answer the question "How's it workin' for you?"
Not so good. I found myself feeling very hungry and then realized I had set myself back up for the all or nothing and perfection mentality. I began obsessing over what I ate, planning to a tee and if something interfered, as life will, it derailed me something awful. I managed to stay where I was weight wise and that would be awesome if I were at goal, but am far from it. So I am stepping back, looking over what has worked and trying to find that balance.
I have made a truce with food, it is not really the enemy at all, I am and I need to readjust my thinking. I know why core worked for me in the past, it helped remove that all or nothing and needing to be perfect mentality because I could easily adjust when life would throw me a curveball and still remain on program.
So until Wednesday, October 1 I am eating what I want in moderation. Giving me a break from all this craziness in my head of being a failure and not being perfect, because it is ok to not be perfect, I am NOT perfect, I have weaknesses and faults. I am working on them, but they will only get better not perfect.
On October 1 I will go back to the core program with strict guidelines about the processed and chemical "stuff" allowed on core as well as a points list for the healthy things I have found I really enjoy and satisfy me like almonds, peanut butter that is mixed with yogurt cheese, ground flax seed sprinkled on things so that I can get a sense of what I need to aim for to earn AP's so I can be sure to continue to enjoy those things on a daily or almost daily basis.
Maybe once I get to goal or at least in the range of it I will have finally freed myself of that all or nothing thinking, but for now I know it can so easily come back, so go with what I have found works for me.
The November 1, I will assess again and ask myself...
"How's it workin' for you?"