Saturday, August 16, 2008
That sure has been my mood of late. My Granny (from my father's side of the family - functionally illiterate but sure did have street smarts and grew up in the Oklahoma Territories) used to say that when she was in a mood she was either ready to "wrastle" with a rattler or was full of piss and vinegar. Lately, I have been both. Most of my attitude has to do with just flat out trying to shove too much into any one day.
I have 2 jobs outside the home. One is full time and the other is part time. The part time one I do from home as an independent contractor. Niether of these jobs include the hours put in as wife, mother, farmer, gardner, cook, dish washer....you get the drift. Please do not get me wrong, I love my husband and he is such the trooper working a full time job that is really like 1-1/2 jobs himself plus the ranch, the gardening, and all the mechanical things I can not do. But I have been in such the mood lately...my head is tallying up all the "but I managed to do and you can't get THAT done".
I have been trying to keep my mental attitudes in check and reason that both DH and I work our tails off and it is just the fatigue talking. I have toyed with the idea of quitting my second job but the responsible person inside me says not yet until we get things settled (it was a very difficult move financially to be here but 100% worth it in the ways that really count!)
Anyways....hubby picks me up from work yesterday as it was his day off and I had arranged to have the baby elsewhere so he could get some things done....on the way home he tells me how he got a few things done and that he spent part of the day sleeping. I got home and realized that none of the house chores had been done. The dishes I started in the dishwasher before I went to work were still there including the dirty ones in the sink, the clothes on the line that I hung before I left for work were still there, the new laundry never made it out of the washing machine to the line....you get the picture?!? I was ready to crawl out of my skin. My head was screaming of how I would LOVE to have a day without any of the children, to do what I want, to sleep, to do whatever. But nooooo, I dont get that.....no one thinks that I might need a break.
Rather than spit my venom at him, I went to my room to change out of work clothes and started pulling on some 3/4 leg workout pants when low and behold...I noticed that I could put them on without having to sit down. I noticed, thought wow to myself, and then decided to let them rattlers get my attention again and went back to be fumed.
I started my second job at the computer and was taking breaks to put stuff away, clean house, etc. I started having system issues and went to the garden to weed. There I found DH and the baby. We are all working in the garden and my attitude is improving. I watch the moon rise, enjoy the cool breeze, relish the smell of the damp earth as I pull out the weeds. I told DH that I still had typing to do when we got in.
We finally go inside the house....the baby looks like she is from the blackfoot and blackhand tribes....and DH wants me to bathe her. I start to state that I still have typing and that is what I had warned him about when we were out in the garden....and .....somehow he didn't hear that part. He finally washes the baby and I am still fuming. I am looking for things to pick a fight over.
Things settle down, we go to bed. I ask DH to wake me when he got up for work so that I could finish things I needed to get done. So, here it is 5:30 in the morning. Am up. Starting my day. DH leaves, baby asleep, older girls in CA visiting family for another week or so....and I hear those rattlers gunning for me as I look around at all the needs to get done.
I ready to bite heads of copperheads, wrastle the rattlers, full of piss and vinegar....grab the laundry basket and throw on some shoes to at least get the load from yesterday off the line ....step outside.....breathe.....the smell of fresh cut hay invades my nose. The cool air meets my skin. The soft haze of the morning over the fields is just beautiful. The snakes start to receed. I stop and tell myself to think about what is really important...heck...yesterday I got pants on without having to either sit to get my legs in...or do that fun wiggle dance to move them up when standing....I was able to get them on by doing a little crouch and then pull them up.
Laundry down, back inside...see the mess...the snakes start slitering again. Run to the computer...go to sparkpeople .... send my weekly goodies to everyone to remind me of how much I need others and to get out of my head...feeling better. And then I notice it....the ladybug is moving. I chose the ladybug marker on my weight loss sign for a reason. My children when being called collectively have always been my ladybugs...so I thought what a great sign as I call for my ladybugs to get a move on etc and so too shall I get a move on.....and it IS moving! I can almost read "start"!!
Think I will work on doing something other than wrastling with rattlers this week....maybe do some cooking....anyone got a good recipe for rattlers? I hear they taste just like chicken.