Saturday, August 02, 2008
I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and when they weighed me in I was 8.8 pounds heavier than what my scale says and what I am tracking myself with on SparkPeople. I sat in the doctor's office devastated by this tremendous increase of weight since I've been following my program and staying within my calorie range. Mind you I adjusted the fitness part of it when I wasn't doing anything so my calories would be at a lower amount. However, I was proud of myself that I was doing so well at staying within or below the calorie level. To gain that amount of weight crushed me and made me just want to run out somewhere and go eat.
I wanted to revert back to my old habits of feeling sorry for myself and comforting myself with food. However, I didn't go out and eat. I didn't go buy any fast food. Instead I went home and showed my daughter who was very sympathetic about it and told me not to worry that they have so many people that go there that the scale probably isn't calibrated right. She made me feel good about it and I ate a little piece of steak and we went to the movies. I had some popcorn there, not as much as I usually eat. When I got home I ate cherries for a snack.
However, this morning I'm still thinking about it and I'm still bothered by that weight gain. I won't get on my scale because I'm afraid that I will have a weight gain on my scale too and that will really depress me. I just don't want to do what I normally do and start a program and get into and start losing weight and then as I'm going along I start gaining weight on it and quit. I not only gain the weight that I lost but I decide to add additional pounds.
SparkPeople isn't a diet, it is a way to healthy living and I know that. However, I can be self destructive on my own because of not seeing a weight loss. Maybe I'm not doing something right. I know I don't exercise everyday, but I'm trying to at least get something in weekly. It may not be much to start off with, but someone that did nothing and is doing a little bit is a good accomplishment to me.
Well, I'll stop rambling on. I was just devastated by that increase in weight at the doctor's office yesterday and I can't seem to shake it and I'm afraid I might self-destruct.