Thursday, July 31, 2008
It's a new year in the sense that a week ago I had my birthday and had time to do some reflection and make hachlatas (resolutions).
I revisited an early hachlata: to internalize the chassidus that I learn so that it effects my life bpoel mamesh (in real actuality)
and I started a new one although I do think it's on my goals on this page so it's not that new:
to make sure i'm spending one on one time a minimum of 5 minutes, please G-d more, with each child. The 5th Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Sholom Dov Ber said that a parent needs to spend 30 minutes a day thinking of the chinuch (education) of their children. So this hachlata is of that nature.
My last blog entry had me pondering how far I had come if my confidence could be dictated upon such variables on size of my thighs, or clothing size. Since then I have to admit I went to a different clothing store the following week, actually a few, tried on Shabbos robes and outfits and feeling for the first time not like an "elephant." I even brought home a robe with horizontal lines on it. For the first time in 7 years I'm wearing horizontal robes.
Certainly it's an occasion to rejoice.
Well, it's a good start. I need to be able to feel good about myself even if the clothing doesn't fit. That could be a life long avoda, however so I suppose I should be pleased.
My birthday farbrengen (not sure how to translate this, it's a get-together in which people try to positively reinforce each other and encourage ourselves and others to grow through chassidic song and discourse and just plain shmoozing) was amazing. It was small, which I like, at most 6 ladies were around my kitchen table at a time and I managed to memorize a short sicha (talk) of the Lubavitcher Rebbe's and give it over. What was also nice is I thought of ways I could improve and grow and so did other people.
More later, G-d willing.