Sunday, July 27, 2008
I have a hummingbird feeder outside one window where I can sit on the couch and watch the birds come. It is an ornate feeder with 4 feeding flowers on it. It has attracted not only the hummingbirds but the wasps. The wasps tend to hang around one particular flower feeder and the underneath of the feeder on that one side (for some reason it always seems to drip from underneath on that one side ~ mental note to self...being pretty does not always means it works well - lol). I sat there watching the wasps "hanging out" on their side of a feeder when a hummingbird approached. The wasps did nothing to attack. As a matter of fact, they seemed rather bored by the idea of the bird nearby. The hummingbird hovered, flew in and out as if assessing the situation, and left. The hummingbird came back later and again hovered, flew in, flew out, and left. Never did that bird try the OTHER 3 feeding flowers but rather was fixated on that one. I sat there watching this and then speaking to the bird about why don't you try another flower...sheesh...and then it struck me, the wasps were that birds brick wall.
Randy Pausch (God's speed to that incredible man and blessings of peace to his family) gave a lecture that I had the privallege to see on YouTube soon after he originally gave it about a year ago and it had been gnawing at my brain. Randy was dieing of cancer ~ no - he was living with terminal cancer and was not letting it take his vitality. Yes, it would take his life, but not him. During what is now a famous speech - he spoke of brick walls being there as a way for "us" to determine how much we really want something. Afterall, if there were no brick walls, then anyone could do it. The phrase "brick walls are there to prove how much I want it" has been resounding in my brain, tickling the grey matter folds in the middle of the night, tapping away at my thoughts in the quiet times.
And then I stepped on the scale this morning. I am down 5 pounds which should be a whohoo...and, yet, I am saying "only 5 pounds". The "only" talk is that fraud mask of competition that says it should be more afterall, my mother can lose 15+ pounds in the first week of any diet, and I am so fat, and I ate good, and I exercised lots, and and and. And that is my wasp and ultimately my brickwall. I get so focused on what one piece of equipment says - I lose the bigger picture ~ I LOST!! Whether it is 1 pound or 15 pounds ~ I still LOST and it is no longer strangling me. I am 5 pounds closer to my goal.
That hummingbird and I have a lot in common ~ we can both get easily sidetracked from our want by buzzing pests. The hummingbird is so focused on that one feeder that it neglected to try anywhere else. And later when the bird returned, it stayed focused, no tunnel visioned, on that one area and would not try anything else. I step on the scale and become focused, no tunnel visioned, on making that needle drop. Not once when I stood on that scale did I celebrate the 5 pounds, rather I beat myself up for not doing better.
I will no longer be like that hummingbird nor will I allow myself to ignore an accomplishment that I have attained. The 5 pounds is but a small part of what I managed to do this week...the real celebration is that I walked over brickwalls ~ I took time for me, I exercised, I drank my water, I was honest with people ~ I was genuine.
Anyone need some bricks? I am taking down a wall and making a pathway.