Friday, July 25, 2008
I remember once reading a diet tip that said to sit naked in front of a full length mirror and watch yourself eat and when you see how gross you look that you will be motivated to do something about your weight. Well, emotionally, I have been sitting in front of the mirror. Normally, I am the one that will have the facade that all is alright all the while stuffing what I am really feeling and not dealing with any of it in a constructive manner except to eat my way through it. But that obviously has not worked or I would not be here ready to change what I do and how I do it.
I have taken a different idea in the how to do things - I am taking my secrets out of the box, sharing intimate details with others (such as gorging on kids left overs rather than saying I am not hungry), posting pictures of myself (let alone at my heaviest), be honest about what I am doing. It really is a no turning back kind of thing. If I post a picture of myself at my heaviest - everyone knows and it is time to move forward. If I am honest about what I eat, how I eat, why I eat - it no longer controls me. I am able to make the decision of what to do, how to do it, and why should I do it.
I always feared growing up that someone would realize that I was a fraud. The fraud being not perfect. And here I am, approaching 39 years on this planet, and starting to fully integrate into my personality (not just realize and do nothing about it) that not only is falability not a horrible trait, but is rather endearing. THe bigger issue is what can I do to make me a full human being not just the image of what I think others what of me.
The time has come to shed this weight for once and for all. No more diets. Harry S Truman said that the buck stops here....and it has stopped here...and is naked in front of the mirror.