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    IB.FLUFFYNOTFAT  
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Ups and downs of my life.


Monday, July 21, 2008

Ok so seriously things have been tough around here. We lost our apartment a few months ago (due to too much money going to my medical bills). So we had to move in a weekly motel place. The good news is last week we changed rooms, now we have a HUGE room more like a studio apartment, and it is absolutely beautiful (newly remodeled with gorgeous furniture and a full size fridge which we didn't have before). BUT we have no stove. I use the george Foreman grill, an electric skillet, a crock pot, and a microwave. Although now I do have a rotisserie/toaster oven. So I am pretty happy despite our current circumstances. We wouldn't have been able to keep the apartment even if the medical bills weren't so high, because of the blasted gas prices.

Good news is I like it here, pretty well. Super easy to keep the place neat...

Anyway, I am finally dropping a bit of weight. I am using Paul McKenna's idea of only eating when I am truly hungry and stopping when satisfied (NOT FULL) and eating what I want, NOT what I think I should. My appetite has been nearly non-existent the last 4 days. The funniest part is when I am hungry I crave for the most part fruit, mostly nectarines and peaches. I eat at least 3 a day on top of fruit and veggies I plan at meal times. At night what used to be an every night thing (a bag of lite popcorn with popcorn sprinkles and then some kind of dessert) has lost a lot of the luster. I am not wanting them much anymore. Last night I thought I wanted dessert so I was going to eat one of those little debbie spinwheels, I took one bite and YUCK, I couldn't eat it.

The only thing that could be better is my marriage. We're like friends, he hasn't touched me more than a little hug or peck, in about 8 months. I asked him about about a month or so ago and all he said was you need to lose some weight.. He has a real disgust for my floppy sagging belly (but hey I have had 4 c-sections and a c-section cut for another surgery). Those muscles are basically non-existent from all the cutting. I have no real hope of EVER getting rid of it even if I lose weight, unless I get a tummy tuck. But here's to hoping. It's getting so hard for me to take the lack of intimacy I wish I had a boyfriend sometimes...This is not like me infidelity is NOT me. I wrote him a note friday explaining how hard it is for me and how the weight is not gonna fall off overnight, and how I can't wait til it does. I've always had a much bigger libido than him but this is ridiculous. If I have to weight another year or year and a half to get the weight off I'll go nuts, and frankly I don't know if our marriage (for my part) could continue to exist without any intimacy. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
DEMURALIST 7/21/2008 9:50PM

    I can totally relate to your marriage issue. I have always had a bigger libido, so I know that long lapses in intimacy are not related to my weight. But I can tell you that it does not make it any easier to deal with. This is the kind of thing that messes with your image of who you are. Unfortunately I don't have an answer for you. In our situation it turns out that he is a workaholic, and so vacations are good. It may help if you can find out what his issue really is, (one of the things that came up with us is that I am not very vocal so my dh thought I didn't enjoy it and therefore it wasn't worth his effort-one issue resolved). I cannot believe he can be so shallow as to think that this has to do with a little extra weight. Delve deeper, and try to resolve all the issues that come up as they come up with as little defensiveness as you can muster. Then hopefully, by that time you both will have forgotten about the weight, in any case it will be coming off as you work on the other stuff.

I am sorry, wish I could do more.

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