Thursday, July 03, 2008
Recently I have either binged or not eaten at all. Neither one of them was really noted by myself UNTIL a couple of days ago. I found myself reflecting what I saw in myself. I do think I get in a party of pity as I don't have family in the area, nor have I established any friends outside of the time that I worked. Oh, I attend some functions, but I am quiet, which is part of my personality.
The reflecting of myself took place in a restuarant as I was having breakfast. I wasn't hungry, I didn't think or feel that I was lonely. Then, I watched others as they came in. I sipped on my coffee and saw them enter couples, friends, or coworkers. Talking, laughing, discussing business and things of the world. My active thought was how I would be getting my breakfast soon and things would be better for me. Hmm, my food would make things better for me.. That was an awakening to me.
I never thought of food as a friend. Just seemed to be somthing to do until something else came along. But, nothing else has come along....
Later I got to the car and I pulled out the compact mirror, and as I applied my lipstick I took a good look at ME. Who I saw didn't displease me. I looked at her and saw a friendly person, someone who saw the funnier side of life, most of the time. I saw a person I liked..I didn't love her... might not ever. But I did like her. But, I knew if I had a good friend that I liked and saw that she was going down a destructive road I would say something to her. I knew then that I should be my own best friend.
Still, as I started the car I wasn't sure that I wanted to be my own best friend. Relationships are work...hard work. Did I want to really do that.
I have thought about that for a few days and today I know.. that friend I saw in the mirror...well, yes, she is worth the hard work. Developing self worth, a kindness to one's self, the internal love of self is hard and will be tough. But I know that person I saw in the mirror is going down a destructive road made of food choices. Will my friends outside of myself increase or become one of my best buddies. Who knows.. but for now I want to be my own best friend. Healthy and enjoying life., besides I am worth knowing...