Thursday, June 26, 2008
i've always been kind of self conscious and never have been the girl at the gym wearing cute little outfits...even if i was wearing spandex yoga pants, they went along with a big-ish tshirt...recently i changed this as i felt like i needed a change and i felt like it was time to stop hiding. interestingly enough, this has not been easy NOR did I expect it to be. comfortable in my own skin in a primary goal of mine & confidence in myself and my accomplishments is right up there so i need to work on portraying these things other than hiding and not even trying. i remember when i went on a vacation a couple months back and a dear spark-friend told me to ACT the part to BE the sexy/hot/fit girl that I am aiming to be and to OWN IT. (thanks darlin'!) This really set home with me and helped the confidence on the inside when I knew I looked better than most (maybe not my ideal but in comparison!) on the outside. It worked for the week of vacation and I came back and realized I need to learn how to think this way all the time. To be me is to be self confident. No ifs, ands, or buts. Again, easier said than done. Some days are much harder than others. I cant wait for my ideal body to then feel ideal self esteem/confidence. I need to work on the inside as much as I work on the outside...so, yup, i went and bought some cute tank tops & shorts to work out in...and hopefully feel comfortable enough in to run into the store post-class or something....I tested my theory on Tuesday for my pilates class and wow, was it strange. The two girls in this particular class that I take with are fit and always in cute outfits (and dont seem self conscious in the slightest bit but i doubt that is completely accurate). I can do the same moves they do; its an advanced reformer class; i do think i have more flab in my midsection than these tiny things but self-scrutiny is always worse than the truth (I have learned something!). Anyways, I wore new pants & a more fit (not spandex - cant do it YET) tee and just went for it. Not only was I proud of myself for not running from my car to the studio (seriously - this wasnt the slightest bit scandalous but apparently i'm crazy when it comes to showing my body- there wasnt any skin showing!) but i sauntered in, acted normal, started my workout & got an extra benefit that i worked EVEN HARDER b/c anytime I caught myself in a mirror, I pulled in my abs more, looked at the muscles forming in my arms & thought to myself, I dont look much different than them AND look how much I am progressing :))))))))))))))))). When you can actually see the progress, it does make you work harder or vice versa, I noticed during certain exercises, the instructor could help correct me better as she could see my figure more and what i was doing right & wrong which led to an awesome workout and sore/worked body the next day. Is it the clothes? doubt it. Am I becoming somebody that I'd admire? again, top of the list of goals...slowly but surely. I didnt go to any stores after to fully test the theory but I'm not giving up & I'm not hiding anymore. I'm proud of my accomplishments and will work to continue to show them - not only for myself to see but to truly watch my body transform to the best it can be. Next test is tonight again with pilates ~ i havent found the nerve yet for the all male spinning class yet (that will be next).