Monday, June 23, 2008
This past week, I felt something I have NEVER felt in 33 years. I felt pretty. Something else happened, I didn't care what others thought.
I have NEVER felt comfortable in my skin. Between an unhealthy diet, and 101 insecurities, I was just... here. I never felt I belong.
I was something I never have been, this past weekend. I was spontaneous. I actually got dress with ease and eased out of the door. I didn't talk myself out of going out. It's something so small people take for grated. I felt GREAT! I didn't feel like I was pulling teeth.
Something else happened. People listened to me talk. A few times this weekend, I had the floor. I didn't feel scared and it showed. My words flowed out as if they were practiced. I didn't stumble. And all eyes were on me. I know it's because I'm a few size smaller. My mom keeps making this statement, " I never saw you so happy" I tell her, the same things that were on my mind 4 months ago, are still on it. I kept trying to down play it, because I hate to believe I was so "miserable" and people thought this was "me" I told her it's not my "happiness" it's the weight loss and people eyes. It's true people pay more attention to pretty things. So they assume I am "happy"; Which I am now, sans my ex, LMAO.
I did something I never done in NYC. I wore my bare arms and back out. I felt so good and confident. I glowed. I got so many compliments. The first time in my life I accepted them and said thank you without breaking eye contact or downing myself as a response.
Something happened this weekend, I forgot about my ex. I can care less if he comes back or not. I am now opening myself up to meet someone. I thought this would be one of the hardest things to do. But all I have to do is keep feeling good about myself and it would come to me. I JUST figured this out, this past weekend.
Something happened this past weekend. I felt pretty.
The sun is finally shining on me.