I am quite disappointed in myself at how easily I let my emotions change my course of action. I was lucky enough to lose the 2 pounds of water weight that I gained last week, and I am determined to lose more this week, as I'm trying to reach a certain goal by July 5th. I've done really well with my food today, but I had quite an upset this afternoon that completely depleted my motivation to get that exercise in that I had planned.
I took my daughter for a perm today (believe me- that in itself was hard enough! LOL) but she finally agreed to it because she's been wanting a change, and I was so excited about it! But when we got there, they told me her hair was too long and thick for one box. They would've had to use two boxes, and they doubled the price on me! Well I wasn't financially prepared for that, and I had to reschedule. I didn't have enough money on me, and not even enough in my bank account to cover the difference. That was soooo incredibly humiliating in front of a salon full of people! I just wanted to crawl into a hole. I cried on the way home, because I was so upset that my daughter had to endure that just because her parents can't provide for her!
A friend of hers got a perm a few weeks ago and Brittany (my daughter) liked it so much. She's been wanting a change and toyed with the idea of perming her hair as well. Although she was scared about making such a drastic change, she was finally ready to do it, and we were going to send text pics to everyone. Now we have to wait another week until we come up with all the money. How embarrassing and depressing! I came home and crawled right into bed with my book and stayed there most of the afternoon. I didn't even cook dinner for my family.
It's amazing to me how one little event can cause such a chain reaction. It's not only amazing, but it's frustrating, too, because it just shows me that I'm still so weak. I've come so far, and I can't seem to grasp the idea of when I'm determined and when I'm not. It's like I have these great spurts where I go and go and go, I lose a lot of weight, and I'm so happy. Then, out of the blue, it's like I just get tired of working so hard at it, and I want to stop for a while. Then I gain, get scared, and get back on track again. It's a vicious cycle that's just going to make this process that much longer.
I love SP and all the wonderful resources here and the people on my teams, but when, exactly, am I going to actually "fix the problem" rather than just keep putting band-aids on it? I was in a 12-Step program years ago, and that didn't help me, either. Yeah, I'm losing weight here, but what will I have to do to actually overcome the obstacles that got me here in the first place????