Change in Focus
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Some of you may have noticed my goals have been slightly tweaked since last night. But most likely not, since it's a small thing to notice... except for me.
I have come to the conclusion that my goal weight needs to be 120 and not 110, even though I realize that the 110 is the reccommended weight for a short woman of my height. This isn't me avoiding those nasty last ten pounds. It's an acknowledgement of who I am.
As a teenager, I was never able to drop below 120 pounds no matter what I did about diet and excercise, until I started starving myself. There, I threw it out there. I was a closet anorexic as a teen. And I'm just not willing to put my life back into that living hell for an extra 10 pounds off. My body knows its set point, it knows where it should be. I'm done at 120.
I realize who I am. I am a short woman. I will always be short. I am curvy. I will always be curvy. I have big boobs and big hips, and that's ok. Yes, I'm shaped like a pear, not an hourglass, but I'm fine with that. When I weighed 120, I had a waist even Scarlett O'Hara could envy.
I'm no longer the young girl I once was, desperate for approval by my peers, longing to be seen as beautiful. I have an amazing husband who thinks I am drop dead gorgeous whether I weigh 100 pounds or 1000. But I don't even need his approval. I am a grown woman, strong and confident in who I am, who I was meant to be. I don't need to wear the latest fashions to be accepted. I can dress for my body shape and look amazing. I don't need the approval of others to measure my worth. I am a woman of excellence and worth.
Knowing myself and accepting myself brings up other truths too. I am not an athelete, I never want to be one, I don't want the body of one. I want a healthy body, fit for my lifestyle, curvy and luscious in every way. I don't want to bust my bottom doing excercises I totally loathe, like jogging or team sports. Those just aren't me. I love to swim, I love to dance, I love to take after dinner walks with my family. This is who I am, and it is perfect for me.
Don't worry if you never see me sweating away in an aerobics class. I'm perfect just the way I am.