Thursday, May 15, 2008
Even on this mini-break from school (while waiting for classes to really get started and for clinic to start) I'm still waaaay too busy. I'm putting most of my energy into my relationship right now. We're in a touchy phase, and I want to make sure that we can work on things and improve and stuff.
I'm still dieting, and I really want to re-find that "week 1" enthusiasm. I still love the site, and use it every day...but it's becoming more and more of a chore to track foods and exercise and sort through the automatic e-mails. I knew that I would get to this point, and I'm glad that it took this long to begin to manifest. But I wish I knew what I could do to re-gain some momentum.
My weight loss has been awesome. Really, it has. I've lost 20 pounds, which is a BIG deal, right? But when I look in the mirror, or go out in public, I'm still really really overweight. It's discouraging that after almost 2 months and so much progress and work, very little on the outside has changed. Even though I've told my friends about this, and have even pointed out how I've lost 20 pounds, and how my pants are falling off, not one of them has said that I look good, or that I look thinner. And I know that's because, to ley people, fat is fat is fat. I'm still over 200 pounds, and people aren't really going to see the difference between 210 and 230. I feel it, and see it, which is the most important thing. But I really really want that outside encouragement. I'm starting to get ancy. I've put so much work into this, and am trying so hard, yet I'm still fat. And I KNOW that it's going to take WAAAY longer than 2 months. But for some reason, that logic doesn't extend to my emotional needs. I keep focusing on how if I keep going with this, one day I will be thinner and people will start to notice. Sure it probably won't be until mid-September, but how awesome will it be when I finally get to that point? Right now my focus needs to be on not giving up. Rome wasn't built in a day, and I didn't get fat in just 2 months. I should be thankful that I've already lost so much, and am still here after 45 days. I am thankful. And I feel selfish for wanting more.
I just really want to get there...