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    MISTRESSDIXIE   1,934
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no one in my life seems to understand completely


Wednesday, May 07, 2008


as i sit in front of my comp. i come to realize that my friends and family truely dont understand the pain i feel both physically as well as emotionally. alot of people see a larger size woman and assume that they have always been large. and that isnt the case for me. i was slim all mylife. not twiggy. but fit and tight. but then i had a severe high risk pregnancy that i put on 100 pounds. and it kills me. that i am this big. men no longer find me attractive at all, people look at you funny even if you order a happy meal for your child. like you are gonna go eat it yourself and let your kid starve. and some just bluntly decide that askin if your pregnant each time they see you. is being polite. well its note.

it hurts. and it makes it hard to be me.

i hurt so much.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAIAMOTHER 6/9/2008 8:22AM

    Dixie, I understand I have been there, the looks the stares, the humiliation. I am finally seeing that people are finally starting to notice me as a person not some gelatinous blob. I know that we can do this, I will be there for you any time you need me.

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LEIGHWOMAN 5/12/2008 4:31PM

    I know what its like to be asked if youre pregnant everytime people see you. One week before my wedding, after losing like 18 pounds, a woman at a store assumed I was pregnant. I was mortified. I ended up getting compensated from the manager though. So I guess theres an upside.

It's hard to get people to understand exactly what you're going through if they've never had to battle it themselves. You're doing a great thing finding the support you need outside of your usual circle, because a lot of people don't take that extra step. You're doing wonderfully thus far, and you're only going to do better in the future!

And for the record, I think you're beautiful!

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BELLEMORTE 5/12/2008 7:05AM

    I to know what it is like being over weight while your friends and family tell you that you need to loose weight your getting fat..which in turn makes it worse. I lost the weight after my daughter but gained it all back and then some when i started back to work on the night shift. your more then welocme to hit me up for a pep talk if you ever need it

Blessed Be
Belle

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WYLDMOONWOMAN 5/9/2008 5:01PM

    I am sorry you are having a bad day. One of the things that really motivates me is to look in the mirror every day and tell myself what a beautiful sexy amazing strong woman I am, I felt kind of funny at first, but after awhile you start to believe it, and when you lose 25 pounds people start to notice...Reach out to the community for support, let everyone know that you are making a lifestyle change, reward yourself for reaching healthy goals, it takes 21 days to develop a new habit so start small with little goals...and my last bit of sanity preserving advice is to take that focus off the scale, once you realize that the scale is an object that really holds no power, the power comes from within and fueling your body with healthy foods and activity...the weight will start to fall off! emoticon


PS...I think you are a hottie!

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MISTRESSDIXIE 5/9/2008 10:14AM

    thank you all so much. its nice to be able to come on here. and finally find a place in this world that people honestly understand what i am trying to say. and honestly i cant remember the last time i even looked in a mirror. the only good quality that i discribe about myself that doesnt involve my child. is that i have mastered gettin dressed, putting on complete make up with out flaws, and doin my long hair ...with out truely lookin in a mirror. until i am done. and that is for the quick. 2 sec. lipstick check on the teeth. lol.

i guess its time to really look in that mirror and find a good thing about myself. but when i look. all i see is what everyone has said bad about me. so i may need to come back and get some support once i do this. but thanks guys...hugs

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DANDELION_WINGS 5/7/2008 11:14PM

    when i first started putting on weight, i ran into an old classmate--she immediately gasped and rubbed my belly asking me when i was due. ----it sucks, but you know you are fabulous to start your journey to health. *hugs*

i'm sharing this blog entry around tonight that i came across---you may appreciate it: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_p
ublic_journal_individual.asp?bl
og_id=1184063

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KRISANNEDRA 5/7/2008 6:51PM

    emoticon

Sweetheart, you are not the body you see in the mirror. You are so much more than that. I know it sounds over simplified to say that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks but it really is that simple. It only matters what you think. You think it's time to take back your power. I agree. Start by learning to like yourself. Not your Ego but the you that's beneath the Ego.

How long has it been since you looked in the mirror and found something about yourself that you like? How about that hair? Your eyes? Maybe that smile?

We teach others how to treat us. Much of the time it's by example. Treat yourself well. Other's will follow suit. You were born with value.

Find your beauty within. Lose weight because it makes YOU feel good, not because you think it makes you acceptable to someone else.

One pound at a time darlin'.

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LAURABRAT 5/7/2008 12:45PM

    Oh man have I been where you are, but remember, you're not doing this for those other people, you're doing this for you. I know it sucks not to have that kind of support right there, but it can make you stronger leaning on yourself. And all of us here at SP are ready to listen and support you through this. We're all doing the same thing, we're all in the same boat, you're not alone. You just keep your head up, keep having those daily victories, and be proud for yourself. You can do it!

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CJEGGER 5/7/2008 11:43AM

    Please don't feel that way! You are here on this site, so you are trying to do something about your situation. Hang in there, watch your calorie intake, get your exercise in and come here for support!

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