Sunday, May 04, 2008
For those of you who read my blogs regularly, you know that I had a difficult day on Tuesday. I was some how able to make it through the rest of my work week and was luckily not called in Friday night.
Friday night, I got kind of anxious and depressed. I found it hard to sleep Saturday, when I did lay down. I don't know if the severe storms in the area had anything to do with it or not. I just hate to hear that there are tornado warnings out for any area, as one of my 2 home towns was destroyed by a tornado and left many of the people devastated. It is a much different town than it was before the storm. I also was glad though that I was not working Friday night because that may have meant moving clients out in the hallways of the hospital.
I think part of the anxiety/depression on Saturday stemmed from me not working on either the house cleaning or the lawn mowing that I had promised myself that I would do. When the grass was dry enough in the afternoon after the storm, I just wasn't feeling up to mowing the lawn. I did eventually shut downthe computer, sit down on the couch and do some reading, which relaxed me late Saturday. I could tell I was still quite anxious, as I was always eating, but at least for those momments I wasn't feeling it. I was able to calm myself enough to do a little bit of cleaning in the living room. I also packed up my laundry to take to the laundramat this morning.
I got my clothes washed before I went to Sunday School and Church. I made sure what little I had to do got delegated out to others who could do it. (I don't have to do these tasks, I am just in charge of making sure that they get done.) I really enjoyed the service, as our guest pastor is an advocate for those with mental illness and how the church is responsible for these individuals. I found this a very up lifting service, even though I will still probably limit who exactly I tell at church about my own diagnoses of dysthymia and generalized anxiety disorder. I think there was a couple people there today who know, who could tell things had been a little rough lately, as one of them gave me a hug, when we usually just exchange handshakes.
I seem to be relatively calm right now. I have decided not to go to the gym, as I think I have pushed my socializing limits for one day. I don't want to wear myself out, as I am scheduled to work Monday through Wednesday nights. Thn I am off for almost a week, during which I have appointments with both of my docs.
I can do this. I just need to take it slow. Give myself permission to fall down, as long as I pick myself or have someone else help me back up and I go back to trying. I have found that this is a much longer journey that I could have ever imagined, both the building a healthy life style and dealing with my depression & anxiety, but I have my seat belt on and need to continue with these travels. This includes, dead ends, getting lost, and finding that neat little point of interest I would have never found had my trip gone as planned.