Friday, April 18, 2008
The worst possible thing I could have done today was go into that d ressing room and try on clothes. Especially since I really thought ( maybe it was wishful thinking) that the shirts and pants I tried on were going to fit. Nope, they were still too tight. I just instantly felt like such a failure, and as I'm walking out of the store feeling sorry for myself I'm realizing that I really have noone else to blamebut myself. Have I really been giving it 100% of my efforts? If I'm being honest with myself then I have to answer no. Some days I'm really on and committed and enthusiastic and then other days I feel like " eh screw it" I don't know why I can't stay consistent, it frustrates me and makes me so sad to think that I am so weak of a person that I cannot accomplish this goal of losing this weight. I feel like I've dug deep and tried just about everything to keep myself motivated, but if I have then why am I not seeing success? Maybe I will never reach my goals until I can answer that question....but in the mean time, I just feel miserable...I can't stand the way I look and the way I feel, I have no confidence, no self esteem and I hate feeling this way...but alas, maybe I don't really hate it as much as I think I do because otherwise wouldn't I have found a way to reach my goals already?! I've only been trying for 10 years!! The one and only positive note on this blog is that despite my dissapointment and bad mood I did not turn to food today to make myself feel better....maybe that's why I'm so grouchy right now! Okay, I'm going to go and finish my pity party now - hopefully I can find a better attitude later on!