Things are Different this time
Thursday, April 03, 2008
A friend noticing my weight loss asked me "why" things were working now. I think she is struggling with her weight and does not understand why I've been successful when I've just managed just to gain weight in the past.That got me to thinking. I've wondered too since there were many diets I could not stay on. What is different and why is it working?
In the past I absolutely could not do food records. My mom dragged me to Weight Watchers when I was 12 years old and I never learned how to eat, I just learned to gorge on vegetables. I've had a lifetime of diets. I've tried food records in the past and I could not sustain them. I even did try them electronically and with a dietician. Now I WANT to record my food. I would rebel from diets thinking I wanted to eat like a normal person. Now my way of eating is "normal" for me.
Right now I don't consider myself to be on a diet. I am developing good life habits. When I found SparkPeople I was desperate and was searching the web and considering a liquid fast or surgery. Playing with the spark points got me started. That encouraged me to log my food and drink water (I was exercising). I enjoyed reading the articles and seeing the points change. After a period of doing the right actions my weight started dropping. The weight loss actually then encourages me to continue these actions.
I also found a spark team that is filled with people who face the same issues I have faced and understood what it is like to need to lose over 100 pounds. I chat with them every day. We encourage each other. We often challenge each other to do "a little bit more". My team friends encourage me when I struggle, applaud me when I succeed and also remind me to "put down the whips" when I start my old patterns of beating myself up if I am not perfect. My team mates also encourage eating only healthy whole foods. I actually was able to give up an old very ingrained many gallon a week diet softdrink habit.
A quilting friend sent me a New Year's piece about resolutions. The piece suggested that we focus on a word that will guide all the improvements we want to make. I chose the word "self love". Now when I look at food I think "is that something that is good for me; would I want someone I love to eat it?". That makes it really easy to pass up something that is full of fructose or contain trans fat. The discipline becomes easy - I don't want to eat something that will make me feel bad in the long term; that would be eating a poison which is definitely not something you would want for someone you love
I am learning to not focus on the numbers. I focus on the actions I need to take. The surprising thing is that the numbers are changing. Sometimes they change very slowly and at other times I lose 2 pounds in a week. It has been about 6 months since I started and I've lost 47 pounds and I feel so much better both physically and emotionally. I do not feel desperation; I feel calm certainty that I will keep up the actions that are needed. I have faith that the numbers will keep changing and that I will reach a good weight for my body. I plan to stay here to learn to maintain that loss.
I am so grateful for this web site. It has made the internet indispensable for me!