Sunday, March 23, 2008
So I've always been the quiet/moderately shy type person. That's fine I've always got along well and no one ever really questioned it. No one has ever pushed me or tried to coax me to be anything else. But I've really tried to become a little more open towards people and be more outgoing. I feel I've made progress but I have a long way to go. Well anyway I'm rambling a bit so let me get to the point of my post tonight. Here it goes: I've never really had to deal with being the "center of attention" or have the spotlight on me. And everyday that passes I feel like more and more people are now paying attention to me. This makes me feel slightly nervous and scared because I'm just not used to all this attention. I've noticed lately that when people center their attention on me I try to sway their focus in a different direction. I really have no idea why I do it. Is it because I'm self conscious? Is it because I feel judged? Perhaps its both or really deep down I feel it's because I feel like I don't deserve it. I don't feel like I'm good enough for others to treat me as though I'm important.
This was just something that has been running through my head today and I just felt like I need to get my thoughts written down.