Happy things, and talking myself through not so happies...
Thursday, March 20, 2008
First the good...
I was terrified at weighing in today. Fool me for 3 days, scale, shame on you, fool me for 4 days...ya know. I guess I am a fool because it's even LOWER today at 195.2. I want to know how I miraculously lost over 6 lbs in 4 days. If I could bottle that and sell it to the crazy crash diet people out there...nah, I'd just be as bad as them. But I would be rich and not have to deal with work b.s. See later in my post. This is even after a fairly larger than normal and uber late (finished at 10:40pm) dinner. Who knows what craziness could happen tomorrow. I'll have to go back and look at my patterns, because I have a feeling that I first lose the weight, then my actual size goes down (I sure don't feel 6 lbs lighter, my pants fit the same). That might be a little easier to stomach going forward when I stall for a week or 2.
The bad and the ugly...
I was so incredibly excited about the end of this week, as it is the end of crunch! Yahooo! Well, indeed it IS the end, for 2 weeks or so. It's simply a little reprieve. Depending on how things are looking we will likely start super uber mega crunch of up to 12 hour days, 6 or 7 days per week. How, prey tell, does one fit in ANY sort of workout in there? That's a 9am to 10pm with a lunch hour (and if I'm going stir crazy now sitting at my desk 10 hours per day, I'll definitely need a break in a 12).
This is also going to be the ultimate test of my commitment to weight loss. Every other time I've been on a schedule like this I've given up working out and eaten junk food because "poor me, I'm working too much, I might as well make myself feel better by eating a tasty meal". I know logically that this makes no sense. I feel better when I eat better. I feel worse when I eat a lot of junk. When I eat better, my weight goes down, and I feel better. When I eat a lot of junk, my weight stays the same or goes up, and I feel worse. But that gets a little muddle when I'm two weeks in and bleary eyed and I don't f'ing WANT the chicken wrap, I want the burger and fries and don't want to make it fit in the rest of my day by eating well.
I also have to take stock and realize that I cannot expect to keep up a 60 minute workout 5 days per week on a 1500 calorie diet right now. I should be happy with maintaining. But I DONT WANNA! I've been doing so good and I am so terrified of losing momentum, I feel like I need to at least shoot for .5 lb per week, so that I can keep at it.
Things I'm considering:
-Asking for special permission to take a workout break at our office gym later in the day and just laying heavy on the deoderant and perfume (the shower there scares me). I bet I could probably rock the elipse machine just about as hard as I do dance dance and maybe even try running on the treadmill. Different cardio could really do me good!
-Bringing in my weights and using my ball for some impromptu strength training through the day even if people look at me funny. If I have the reputation of being the office fitness nut, I'm ok with that.
-Something I will NOT do is that whole "walk around more" or "take 5 minutes and run the stairs" stuff. If it works for you, that rocks. It doesn't work for me because #1 - if I'm going to workout, I want to SWEAT. A little walk does nothing for me and #2 - I do not wear the kind of shoes and clothes to work that I could do this comfortably. If I'm changing, I'm going to head to the office gym and see how icky wet I can make my hair in 30 ins.
-Decide what I am ok with calorie range/loss wise...
Minimum Workouts (30x3) and Maintenance - 1850-2200 cal
Cutting 30 mins per day (30x5) and Maintenance - 2000-2350 cal
Normal Workouts (60x5) and Maintenance - 2200-2550 cal (good to know!)
Basically, each .5 lb I want to try for per week equals cutting 250 calories. So if I go to minimum workouts, I need to eat about 1800 to lose .5 lbs, 1550 to lose 1 lb, or 1250 to lose 1.5 lbs. I really hate eating that low, so I think I will aim for 30 minutes x 5 days (or maybe 60 mins one day, and 30 mins for 3 days) and eating between 1475 and 1825, for a 1 lb loss per week. If I can do better, I will. I think I can make it out alive, folks. I think I'll probably be able to make it through the month of April and not gain my 70 lbs back. 10:30 pm workouts are not fun, but they are an option if I go overboard.
Ok, talking this through with myself I feel better. I can do this. It's not the end of the world, and unless I get out of the industry, it's going to happen again. Not everyone out there in sparkland has perfect 40 hour work weeks and a home life supportive weight loss and all the good things going for me previously, and they do it. I bet I can too even with a few ripples in my pond.
Anyone have advice for me? Been through circumstances that were hell for your waistline but persevered and want to tell me your shiny story? Tell me. :)