Monday, March 17, 2008
It has been a roller-coaster of emotions in just the last few days-no wonder I'm exhausted, and it's only Monday. But it is St. Patrick's Day-and that's where I guess we should start. First, though, if you will allow me a little backstory: the worst thing(s) that ever happened to me in my life, and that will ever happen to me in my life, were the deaths of my parents when I was a teen. I have battled depression for about 20 years because of it, and have just recently begun to come out of the darkness. St. Patrick's Day is not usually a tough day for me, but for some reason this year it has hit me like a ton of emotional bricks. This was their wedding anniversary(they were married in 1951). I barely slept last nite and today I can barely control the flow of tears as I think about all the years and happy anniversaries they missed. Of course, as a devoted Pagan, I do need to believe their spirits are together-and hopefully celebrating this day, but still I grieve.
And this weekend was an overeating disaster for me-I assume because of these feelings coming up to the surface-however I know I must move on.
But it's not all doom and gloom as I had noted on Friday but didn't get a chance to blog about: 2 amazing things happened: First, a lovely woman contacted me via SparkMail, saying our stories were similar and would I like to be buddies, to encourage and cheer each other on? I was absolutely touched to hear from her, and I am happy to say I have met yet another wonderful person and I am infinitely grateful to the universe for sending her to me. Later, in the afternoon, even though I wasn't hungry, I CRAVED junk food, I even tried to justify having it to myself; but on my way home I suddenly thought "why don't you take loving care of yourself-you're worth it-and just go home, you'll have dinner soon enough". And on my way home I actually began to sob, and I realized I couldn't do that to myself; and I drove the rest of the way home and didn't give in to temptation. It was a very powerful moment for me. Sadly, the good feelings did not last, as I have said before. But I know I know I must regain control of myself and my program-I've done well today eating and I did follow my fitness routine this weekend. But I must get ahold of my emotions. I will blog again, and let y'all know what's goin' on-what's goin' on........